Where does it come from?

Okay, I'm the only one who has been feeding my child for over a week now, I know what I'm putting in there. How the heck does she create so much energy?! Honestly!!! This 16, almost 17 month old child is running circles around me. I need to do something to catch up with her! Okay, so I know part of it, thanks to our egg hunt on Tuesday, Delanah has discovered jelly beans and has discovered that she likes them! That little shot of sugar sure goes a long way!

We were finally able to return to ISR today. I don't know what's worse, her lessons when she was 7 months old and couldn't communicate other than through crying or now, when she was asking for me and shaking her head know every time Cindy asked if she wanted to show her kicks. This is hard! Emotionally, physically (trying to get her to go into the pool area and get her suit on), these lessons are going to absolutely drain me! Thankfully Delanah recovers quickly and is back to her normal, happy self in no time. We got home and it was all about her puppy, had to take Bay-ee Woo on a walk! My vote was to sit and relax, but 2 to 1, I lost. It's funny that just recently, if it means we're taking Bay on a walk, Delanah very willingly gets into her stroller and settles in. She loves that dog SO much!

Tonight was not my best mommy moment. Delanah, right as I was getting things ready to clean her up, decided that shooting all of her dinner onto the floor was hilarious. Sometime this afternoon I apparently lost my sense of humor. As much as I told her it wasn't okay and to stop, she laughed all the more. I needed a serious mommy time-out. I am ashamed of how I reacted, but proud that I took her to another room to play and giggle while I tried to get control. I cleaned, all morning, trying to get the house in shape. I was so proud, and now there was rice as far as the eye could see. Trivial, yes, but when you are an exhausted mom, trying to do it all and be everything for your daughter (and not complain about things to your husband who can't do anything about it from another country anyway), it was the tipping point. The thing is, I didn't even realize that I was at that point. It has been 2 days since I've been able to have more than a 2-3min conversation with someone face to face, I need adult interaction!!! I have errands to run this weekend and no idea how I am going to do that with an active toddler. Could I briber her with food? Sure. But is that how I want to raise her?

I am done with being a single mom!!!! Okay, I seriously need some sleep because I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be more of the endless energy toddler!

I love my daughter!

I just adore my little girl. She makes me laugh, she makes me feel like I am the smartest, most cuddly most lovable person on earth. She trusts me, trusts that I won't let her get hurt, that I will guide her in the right direction, keep her safe. Oh, we have our moments, but goodness me, she helps me realize the things that are most important in life....splashing in a bath, watching birds, inspecting grass, having cuddles, playing with food, letting dirt run through your fingers, playing with the fluffy tail of a dog.

Today we played at a park that had a covering of bark. Oh to watch her lift handfuls of it and let it loose over her head. Yes, she was still able to keep her title of grubbiest kiddo at the park, and I love it! After her swimming lessons she toddled into the house and straight to a waiting Bailey for a hug. We took Bay for a walk and she was so excited to hold the leash for the first time on a walk! When we got back it was all about making music with the plastic eggs I filled with rice. Who knew it would bring such enjoyment? We rocked out! Bath time consisted of splashing Bay whenever she came close enough to get wet. Bay was a good sport and there were so many laughs from the tub!

I never knew I could love another person like this. I feel like I want to be a better person, I want to do everything I can to give her the best childhood I can. I need to remember that that doesn't necessarily mean that my house has to be spotless, but it does mean that I need to be available to spend time with her. This time won't last forever and I want to soak up as much of it as possible.

Evolution of a family

Today has been a great day. Dave is home, Delanah woke in a great mood and we had fun, as a family. Bay graduated from yet another puppy school, but I think we got more out of this one. It was re-emphasizing the skills we already know and she did great! The other dog didn't show today so we had a private class! We took a drive to look at some houses afterwards, there are just so many to choose from and so many things to think about! When we bought our current place it was all about us. The commute to work/school and a little yard for me to putter in. Now we're thinking about more kitchen space, play space, rooms for family to come out for extended visits, schools, a yard to play in, room to grow our family...so many things! It can get quite overwhelming and we've only looked at 3 houses! We increased the price range we are looking at and we've gotten a lot more options. I've already seen one house that has everything we're looking for...should be the house, right? I just didn't get the feeling that it was the one for us. We shall see what happens!
After a small snooze in the car we went to one of my favorite parks and let Delanah play. I had to make a quick run and let Delanah and Dave have some playtime alone, I think I need to do that more often. They had such a good time and Dave got to see what I get to see during the week, how independent Delanah has become and how fast she is on her feet now! We discovered a new dog park and Bay had a good run there too. Home for nap time, I got to have some quiet reading time, and then our nightly trip to get the mail.

This is such a fun time for us right now. Delanah is loving being outside and is fascinated by everything. I love seeing things through her eyes!

I am finally feeling better, Delanah is feeling better, I just wish Dave was feeling better. I think he needs another trip to the MD, there's something more than a cold going on there. It's gone on too long and he is in too much discomfort. I don't like the fact that they keep prescribing him things that seem off to me. He's diagnosed with a cold and they prescribe an inhaler?! He's not better the next day, he calls them and without seeing him they prescribe prednisone? Now he's still not better and medicating himself a lot. It's just not sitting right with me.

I am SO over this!

For the past 4 days I have had a sore throat, for the past 3 days I have had little to no voice. Tonight, Delanah is finally sleeping....and here I am , awake at 1:30am. Why? Because my cough won't stop and now I can't breath through my nose. Tonight I got a new symptom, my nose seems to want to continuously run...not "oh I need to blow my nose" run, but like a faucet that wasn't turned off all the way. I have tried blowing, doesn't work, I have tried using saline in my nose, worked for maybe 5min. How can your nose my continuously running yet be so swollen that you can't breathe at the same time? I breath through my mouth and I get coughing fits, I can't breathe through my nose. So, basically, I'm screwed. My nose feels raw, my throat is raw, I am tired, I am freaked out that I am on my own tomorrow, already sleep deprived and exhausted, how am I supposed to keep up with an active toddler on little to no sleep?! This sucks!!!!

I better be able to get in tomorrow and seriously, I need some good drugs. Something that will help me sleep, Benadryl has no effect, something that will keep this cough in check and help with my sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. Something is going on with me and I need some help. I have been caring for an ill daughter for over a week, I am drained, I have been trying to care for an ill me for 5 days and that has drained the rest of me. Help!!!!!