Resolutions...

Ahhh...it's that time of year again. Time for resolutions. What should I resolve to do in 2010? The same old same old? Lose weight, get in shape, dress better, etc, etc. Yes, I still want all of those things to occur, but really, I want to work on me in a different way. This year I want, first and foremost, to become a better Christian. I want to trust more, pray more, love more. In truth, I crave it, but never know how to start. Where do you begin? It has helped me a lot to be in MOPS this year. I am still reserved in the meetings, and sometimes need to bargain with myself to go, but I pushed myself into going to our tables Christmas get together this year and I am so glad I did. The women are wonderful and it was nice to get the chance to get to know them better. They can help me grow, they are there to support me; what a wonderful feeling.
I also want to become more comfortable in my own skin. No, I don't mean more dieting and exercise, though that will be a part of it, I want to be okay with who I am, what my role is. I am always striving to be something/someone I think people expect me to be. I want to be the one with the perfect, nice neat and clean house, always ready for drop-ins and I hate it that I'm not. I want to be the one who makes the wonderful meals, and I hate it when I fall short. I want to be the one who can bake anything and have it come out wonderfully, but I'm not. I want to say that I am a stay at home mom with confidence. Why do I feel the need to drop in my doctorate when no one really asks? I am doing the most important job right now, raising my daughter. No one can take my place in her day, so why do I feel it's not enough?
I also want to work on my memory this year. I seriously think I can start feeling my brain turn to mush. As much as I've tried to convince myself otherwise, reading aol.com does not count as stimulating my brain! I admit it, I miss work. I miss being the one with the answers, interacting with patients all day, helping people get better. I've spoken about this to Dave and over the next week or so we are going to pull out some of my PT books from storage and I am going to jump start that part of my brain. I am also going to start talking to companies about working again. I refuse to put Delanah in daycare during the week. I still feel like it's more important for me to be home with her during the week than it is for me to work. No, I'm going to look into working a few hours on Saturday mornings. Dave loves his time alone with Delanah and I know I need to step back and give that to them. Win-win for all! I get to use my brain and earn a few $ and they get their time together.
All this is going to take organization. I tend to "over list" myself. Too many lists, too many items on lists, the pressure, the pressure! I need to be organized with my time. There are enough hours in the day, it's just how I use them. First thing, go to bed on time! It's amazing how much you can get done when you're rested! Second thing, I need to prioritize my time. Spending time with Delanah when she's awake should be #1, she's not going to be this age forever. Good-bye computer time, hello more meaningful afternoons.

Okay, enough resolutions for now. Don't want to "over list" again!

Another milestone

My little girl climbed to the top of the stairs by herself today! Granted, I was behind her, guarding and encouraging her the entire way, but she did it! She was so darn proud of herself :) Then we had to go back down so she could do it again, and again, and again....I made her stop so there was some energy left when Dave got home so he could see it, but man, tantrum time when I stopped the fun. Mean mommy, also stopping the good times.
Oh, I also got bitten on my foot today...another first! I think her teeth are bothering her again, but seriously, my foot! It was an interesting day all around today. We had a fun outing this morning to Whole Foods and Walmart, gotta love the extremes of those 2 places, and then home for the foot biting experience. Unfortunately there is a change in weather today and I had a horrible headache. The first time, in a long time, that she sleeps for almost 3 hours and I was so uncomfortable all I could do was lay on the couch with my eyes closed. Oh the cleaning that could have occurred!
I also had some unfortunate things occur with my MIL. Apparently the pics she received were not up to her standards and she was making our photographer uncomfortable and I get a last minute email asking me to do some research for a present for Dave and to pretty much take care of all the details for them. That one tipped me over the top. I had a headache, tons to do around the house, was a bit miffed at the whole picture incident and now, even though I worked hard to make sure I was done with his B-day stuff already, I was being asked to run out at some point and get another gift?! Okay, I have had time to calm down and reading my MOPS magazine helped me refocus, a lot, and I sent another email tonight letting them know of another gift I have lined up for Dave and told them they could go in on it with me.
I think what really threw me in the request was that she was asking me to research for them the gift I told her, when she was out here, that I had been working on for months for Dave. In other words, this gift that I was so proud of myself to planning she wanted me to hand over so they could say it was from them. I am proud that I stood my ground, in a respectful way, and even more proud that I was able to refocus my thoughts tonight and come up with another idea for them for his birthday. Tomorrow is about celebrating him, his birth. I think he'll like his gifts, so does it really matter who they are from?

Just another manic Monday.....

Recap of today....kicked the corner of the wall and have two painfully bruised toes (ouch!), hurricane Delanah has made quite a mess in the kitchen and living room and as I was midshower (shampoo in hair, covered in suds), little missy decided to pull the full drying rack over on herself. Out running I go to untangle her from the rack and soothe hurt feelings when it hits me....I never thought I would be dripping bubbles and water on my bedroom rug...and I really thought it would have bothered me more! Ahh...the joys of motherhood. Oooh, the best part, it's not even noon yet...... just another manic Monday....

Teeth, screams and standing

This has been quite the weekend! Delanah has figured out how to pull herself to stand on things and now is quick as anything and pulls herself up on everything! This morning Piper was the next "victim" as Delanah pulled herself up on her cage and proceeded to "talk" to Piper :) I thought it was funny :)
We have tooth #7 finally broken through! It must have happened sometime yesterday. At least the drooling has calmed down! Seriously, it was like having a walking faucet in the house! She is quite happy and loves testing her new chompers out on all of her meals. As long as they are only used for good and not evil, I'll be happy :)
Ahhh...the screaming. Last night Delanah was sitting, "reading" a book when she looked up and all of the sudden just screamed/yelled. Yes. our daughter has discovered a new vocal talent, just in time for our next flight as well! Awesome! Should be an interesting trip tomorrow!
Oh, one more talent that she is working on perfecting...blowing spit bubbles! She makes a "momma" sound and blows her spit bubbles. It really is quite funny.

This afternoon we have her year appointment, I can't wait to share her new talents with her pediatrician!

The teeth are coming!

So we have 6 teeth broken through and the 7th working its way through. Man, these suckers come fast! She was fussy as all get out for a few days, but things are looking up now. Unfortunately she has found a new teething toy....Bailey's dog food!!! For over a week now her favorite activity while I was washing up after meals was to feed Bay her kibble piece by piece. Bless her heart, Bay is such a good sport about it! Just yesterday Bay kept peeking her head around the corner at me, trying to get my attention, and I noticed it was eerily quiet. Bay had a puzzled look on her face while staring at Delanah, and I just knew....the little stinker had kibble in her mouth! Ew, ew, ew! Just to top things off, she spit it out and Bay ate it...awesome...

Today, in a 5 minute span, I fished 4 pieces of kibble out and after the last time, you would have thought I was torturing her for the way she was going on! I am such a mean mommy... My mom just laughs and calls it payback for all the times she had to chase me away from our dogs food bowl when I was a baby. Delanah is definitely her mother's daughter!

Tonight I asked Dave to take over after dinner while I got some chores done. I think he was surprised in the first few minutes at how hectic and busy it can be chasing a one year old...welcome to my day! I really need to do this more often so he can develop his own methods of dealing with some attitude issues. My little one is getting quite the personality!

My little helper

My little girl is growing up right before my eyes! She is really imitating everything that I do, so I have to be really careful these days! This morning she decided she was going to help me sweep. She knocked the broom down from where it was leaning against the wall and held it out in front of her while bum-scooting in the dining room. She was so proud! Of course she had heaps of praise from her proud mommy :)

Though we had a rough start this morning (I really did not want to get out of bed), I got a lot done this morning. Cleaned my kitchen, vacuumed, swept, laundry, and played with Delanah...woo-hoo! I was a lot more careful with the water today though, I so did not want a repeat of yesterdays diaper incidents! We had a lovely walk through a neighborhood I am interested in. It seems a lot nicer with green grass and not dead lawns :) There were 2 pairs of jets taking off and landing and a helicopter towards the end as well. I love hearing the jets, so amazing to watch them. It would be awesome to live somewhere with a view of the mountains out one window and the ability to watch the jets from my yard. Got me thinking!

Where do we want to live? Where do I want my daughter to be raised? I love some of the neighborhoods further SE, but there is an "air" about them. Hmmm, that sounded a tad judgemental. It's just that the houses are bigger, more expensive, the cars in the driveway more expensive, lifestyles a certain way. The neighborhood I was walking in today was not as expensive or pretentious. The houses were smaller, but nice, and they had the sidewalks that I liked, with the strip of lawn between you and the street. I really just need to pray about it. I know the Lord will direct us where we need to be and I need to trust that. All in good time.....

Now, if I could only speed up the time it is going to take Delanah to put away her toys as well as she spreads them all out....

A day in the life...

...of a mom. Let's see here...three (yes, three) diapers soaked through today affecting clothing, and this was on top of having some good toilet sessions! The last one was right before bath time. So, clean her up and as she just filled the diaper to beyond capacity, I can let her roam free for the two minutes it takes to fill the bathtub, right? Wrong! In that time she managed to piddle on the floor of her room...awesome! On the plus side, earlier in the day she had pulled out linens from her bottom drawer and just happened to piddle 1/2 on a piddle pad! Guess this is one time not cleaning up after myself helped :)

Delanah has also picked up another new skill tonight. Last night it was all about feeding Bailey. Crawling over to her food bowl, grabbing a piece of kibble and butt-scooting over to where Bay was standing and feeding it to her, crawling back to the bowl and doing it all over again. This went on several times, Bay was so gentle and patient! Tonight we had some Bailey feeding with some signing going on as well! She would grab a piece of kibble and make the sign for eat and then feed her :) But new tonight was bringing Bay her chewie (rawhide). Now, some background...Bay is a bit possessive over her chewies. She has actually growled at more than one person who came too close to it or tried to grab it. Last night Bay was trying really hard to play with Delanah and brought her chewie over to her and placed it at her feet and then laid down. It just melted my heart! Tonight Bay was munching on her chewie in the living room and Delanah was playing while I was getting dinner ready. After dinner they went back to their activities while I was cleaning up. Bay joined me in the kitchen and next thing I know, here comes Delanah butt-scootin' holding out Bay's chewie! Concerned of how Bay would react, I got there first to supervise. Bay watched her, they made eye contact and instead of letting go, Delanah decided to make a U-turn and head back into the living room. I think she was trying to entice Bay back to join her :) Not more than 10 minutes later, Bay is back in the kitchen and here comes Delanah again with the chewie! This time she let Bay take it and they both returned to the living room. Today during both nap times Bay chose to sleep half in our room and half on the landing, watching Delanah's door and listening for her. I'm not sure who heard Delanah first, myself or Bay, but Bay was quite excited to go in and see her and tried everything she knew to do to make Delanah stop crying today when she was fussy. Yes, those two have quite the friendship :)

Let it snow!

Today started out so lovely! Sunny, not too cold, what a beautiful morning! Ros and I headed to Michaels and had some fun there and then all of us were off to the outlet mall! I admitted I was in denial about the predicted snow, it was just too nice! We had the most lovely time in the mall. Delanah loves her grandparents so much and just lights up in their presence. We hit all the stores we wanted to and then Delanah decided it was time to nurse and boy was she tired! They wandered while waiting for us and when we met up we realized something, not sure if it was rain or snow at that point, was coming down...boo! I bought a small umbrella and after a quick stop in the loos and lolly shop I was off to get the car and pick them up. The verdict? It was snow, and a lot of it!
The drive home was not the most pleasant thing I have ever done. It took us a little over 30 min to get there this afternoon and almost 2 hours to get home tonight! The first part of the drive I could barely see the road! It was coming down so quickly that the light from our headlights was reflecting back. I just followed the tail lights in front of me and kept at a nice 20-30mph :) The second half consisted of the speed not registering on the speedometer as we were traveling so slow! Oye! We were SO glad to make it home! I think it was more scary for Ros and Bruce than for me. It was just plain annoying for the most part for me!

On a bright point though, the forecast has changed and there is to be no snow falling tomorrow morning, picture morning...yay!!!! It will look so nice to have our pics taken in the park in the snow! So much for planning our outfits so well! We shall all be covered nicely in our winter coats :) I'm thinking of heading out tomorrow morning and getting, for the ladies at least, matching touks :) Fun, fun! I think we're all going to tuck ourselves inside all day and stay warm and have a nice last day with the Aussie Grandparents. Over 70F yesterday and up to 18 inches of snow by Sunday....gotta love Colorado!

Almost over....

With all the apprehension and anticipation over my in laws coming to visit, I can't believe how sad I am that the visit is almost over. I have loved watching Delanah bond with her grandparents. She is so excited to see them and loves having them for her audience. She is really going to miss them next week. I am going to miss them as well. This visit has been quite enjoyable, especially this last week when I haven't been so crazy stressed planning a party :)
Okay, yesterday was pretty bad...we were all tired and Delanah was super fussy! It was nice to have people around who not only understood, but helped with the chores without me asking, they just did. That was so nice.

I hate that we live so far away from Dave's parents. Delanah loves them so much and they love her and I wish they could spend time together every week. I have been stepping aside a lot to let them spend as much time with her as possible, and I must say, it's a lot easier than I thought it would be. I am learning! I don't have to be in control of everything, I can let things roll off my back, I can keep the big picture in mind...cultivating a relationship with family.

I know there are going to be a lot of tears Sunday morning. Delanah will have no idea what's going on, just that her Grandma, who loves to sing her songs and read her books and make her smile, will be crying and her Granddad, who loves to play games with her and make funny noises and show her interesting things, won't be getting in the car with her to go home. Mommy will be crying and the house will be so quiet. I have been trying to take a lot of pictures and get the video camera out. I want Delanah to know that her Grandparents love her so much...man this is gonna suck!

Today at lunch Ros left the table for a moment and Delanah called after her. Two short weeks and my sweet pea has claimed them! Okay, enough sentimental chatter for one night. Tomorrow we are expecting snow and time in an outlet mall...I need some sleep!

One year

One year ago today I met my baby girl for the first time. Uttered her name for the first time. Cuddled her for the first time. Became a mother for the first time. My baby is a year old!

All day today we were reminiscing about what we were doing this time last year. The running around with a stop watch timing my contractions, my water breaking, watching Coupling in the delivery room, starting to push, finally seeing our baby girl for the first time.

This year I was manic trying to get everything done for the party while trying to keep my cool and do it all on my own. Lesson learned...I am not superwoman, I need help. I am not the hostess I would like to be. Big parties stress me out. Why today? It was family and friends. Most have seen my house a disaster. But I had new friends over, I wanted everything to be perfect. Was it? Not in my book. People showed up early...I wasn't dressed properly, no make up on, the decorations weren't put out how I imagined them to be, the food wasn't ready. Was it a disaster? Not by any means. The kiddos played and played, no one had a meltdown, food was eaten, conversation flowed, a fun time was had. The cakes were a hit! I think what is going to stick out most for most guests is where the cakes were from...La Bakery Sensual, known mainly for its, um, naughty cakes ;) When I was looking for a cake for her, I wanted something awesome. I looked at tons of websites and this bakery did children's cakes as well as the naughty ones. The cakes looked awesome!!! The cake for the guests was exactly what I was hoping for, and tasted so good! Delanah's smash cake was a lady bug! My goodness it was adorable and she went to town! She was tentative at first, but ate an eye (pure sugar!) and poked at some of the black dots and then it was on. I think she ate almost half of it! How? I have no idea! There was cake everywhere!!!! She smelled quite yummy for the remainder of the day :)
Although we let people know that presents weren't necessary, all brought gifts. What a lucky girl Delanah is! She showed absolutely no interest in any of them! Dave had gotten 12 balloons and the kids loved them. Each little one went home with one and Delanah played with balloons after her afternoon nap. Who knew? All we needed to do was get some helium balloons for her!

Dave and I got some time alone tonight to just sit back and try to take it all in. So much has changed from this time last year. Dave and I feel a little more sure on our parenting skills. But man, there is so much to learn! So many milestones reached in a year, and so many more changes to come. It's so hard to remember what life was like before she was here. What an amazing kid she is. My baby is a year old...where has the time gone?

It's almost here...

I'm ready, but I'm not...my baby is turning 1! This week has been hectic, with Dave's parents in town, so I haven't been able to dwell on things too much, but my goodness I have my sentimental moments. This afternoon we had her year photos. They were to have taken place Monday, but for unforeseen reasons needed to be pushed back to today. I'm really glad as I don't think I was fully prepared Monday for them. I made a cake for her to smash (she loved it!) and had her dress all ready and my goodness was she cute! She was more interested in getting the wooden blocks that were set out than she was in looking at the camera, and she was most definitely not into pics with Dave and I, but I think we got some good shots. When I came home there were 2 pics posted by her photographer...one from today and a 3 month shot....oh the changes! She definitely takes after the Schelbach side!

My little girl is changing every day. She loves to cuddle, growl, crawls like a fiend, and is discovering new, fun and loud noises to make with her tongue. Always a good time! She loves to dance to songs (and with her Mommy), and has taken up singing as well. She is a blast in church as she loves to bust a move and sing at the top of her lungs...even when the song ends!

She fell asleep in my arms this morning and I was taken back to this time last year. We had similar weather, nice and warm, I remember walking Bay around the park and having to stop at every bench as I couldn't make it in one go! I remember thinking that Delanah was never going to be born and being full of fear at becoming a mom. So much I have learned in a year! So much I have to learn!

Tomorrow I have my MOPS group, which I am looking forward to, and then the last minute things for the party! I am feeling a bit stretched thin at the moment. I am trying to play the hostess, but I am also trying to keep my house in shape and get ready for this party! My relationship with my mother in law is still shaky at times and I watch every word I say and every step I take...that's tiring as well! Focus, focus, focus! This is about celebrating with friends and family the first year of my daughter's life....focus, focus, focus...

1st Halloween!

Today was Delanah's first Halloween. This time last year I was one week away from having her in my arms...amazing how quickly this year passed by. So many "firsts", too many to count. Will I cry next week at her birthday or be too wrapped up in the little things to truly enjoy it? I hope I take the time to stand back, breathe and take it all in. Two years ago I was trying to find my feet as a new physical therapist, now I am trying to raise a daughter the best way I possibly can. I learn new things daily; about myself, about parenting, about that gorgeous little bundle of energy.

Today/tonight was not about getting candy, spending time with strangers, it was about family and I loved it. Delanah got to spend time with grandparents she rarely gets to see, I got to spend time with the parents who raised the man I love...what a great day. Okay, I admit, this morning was spent cleaning :) I wanted to make sure to get all the "dirty work" done so I wouldn't have to worry about it during the week. I feel so accomplished! Now if I could just figure out how to keep my neighbors from pounding on the walls and take away Dave's cold....

Let it snow!

Going on 48 hours here of snow, and I love it! We have over 2 feet of snow in the back yard and I think it's about 2 feet of snow in the front as well. You can barely see the Murano, and that's no small car! Poor Bay is almost getting lost in the snow, and she's not a little thing!
Delanah and I have been having a great time in the house. What a little tornado she is! Yup, can't wait till she starts walking! I barely have time to pick up one mess before she's on to the next thing. This morning she discovered that playing in Bailey's water bowl was great fun...not for me or Bailey, but she sure loved it :) In between cuddles and stories and dancing and chasing I have been getting the house ready for my in-laws! By this time tomorrow they should be here! You know, I blame the snow on them, last time they were here we had a freak snow fall as well...hmmm...coincidence? They are in for a treat when they land!

A few weeks ago I hit a slump. Being home was overwhelming, I had lost a sense of self. Add that to Dave traveling a lot and it was a recipe for disaster. Dave and I managed to talk things out, a nice, long phone call to a good friend together, a nice talk and walk with another friend and rereading "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms" and I feel renewed. How could I even start to question who I was when I have the most important job? I have been on a tear making sure I get the house clean, have our days more organized and focus on really spending time with Delanah. Things aren't perfect, but they are getting better. This week I tried out 2 new recipes and they were a success! This afternoon Delanah and I are going to make some "healthy" cookies together and I almost have the house in the shape that makes me happiest...clutter free! Amazing how a new perspective, some sleep and some energy can change everything.

I have the best dog!

So Delanah has been in love with Bailey since the moment she noticed her. Since the crawling began 2 weeks ago poor Bay has been chased around our first floor more times than I can count. She's such a good sport! I do step in and give her a break, but Delanah is fast!!! Now, Bailey isn't completely innocent in all of this...if there has been a long period of time when Delanah's attention in elsewhere, Bay has been known to seek her out :) Bay is there to greet Delanah in the mornings and after naps, kissing her hand as Delanah reached through her crib to her. She is concerned when Delanah cries and tries her best to comfort her. When we take walks Delanah will periodically call out to her and reach out her hand and Bay will turn and give her a kiss. She's just an awesome dog.
Delanah has really been pushing the envelope with feeding Bay. During snack time Delanah tries her hardest to share with Bailey. I am not okay with that and Bay, awesome dog that she is, keeps her distance. During meals Bay is not allowed in the room, not so much because of begging, but because when Delanah can hear or see Bailey, all of the sudden a lot of her meal goes over the side of her high chair tray to the dog. Oye! She loves that dog!
Tonight was another first. Delanah was playing under the stairs, Bay was eating her dinner and I was in the living room. As long as I could hear Delanah playing and Bay eating, I knew things were good. I could still hear the food noises (kibble hitting the side of the her metal bowl), but realized I could no longer hear Delanah playing. I assumed that she was on the prowl and stalking Bay again; she figured out almost as soon as she started crawling, that she has almost unlimited access to petting Bay while she was eating. So as I round the corner, there's Bay, looking very forlorn and pacing, and there is Delanah, sitting next to Bailey's bowl and surrounded by dog kibble. My darling daughter had booted Bay from her dinner and was grabbing food from the blown and placing it on the floor.
I am so proud of Bailey! We were waiting for this day. Delanah is her mothers daughter and I apparently used to boot our dog from her bowl to play in her food as well. Now, I trust Bailey, as much as I trust any dog, but she is still a dog and should not be left alone with Delanah. Bay proved her wonderful demeanor again tonight when she merely stepped aside and waited patiently for someone to come and rescue her dinner for her. As soon as I scooped Delanah up Bay gave a grateful look and went back to her dinner. When she was done, she came over for some cuddles from myself and give kisses to Delanah. What a great dog we have!

So sad...

I got word tonight that little Matthew passed away this past Saturday. All day my heart was so heavy, thinking of them. How do you go on from something like this?
I have been in contact with some of the moms who have been talking to her more than I and the word is that she wants people around so she has something to distract her. I think back to what her mom mentioned to me last Friday, that Val was hanging on, but she was expecting her to break soon. For 4 long weeks she was the strong one, fighting for her baby, willing him to recover and stay with her. I don't know if she will see right now how strong she had to be to let him go, but I hope she will see that in the future. She is going to be around this week and I am going to call her and see if she wants to meet. Anything I can do to help. I just hope seeing Delanah won't hurt her too much.

Can't stop thinking about it...

Thursday and Friday of this week I went and visited Val and took some dinner to her and her family. I met Matthew for the first time Thursday night and I did exactly what I hoped I wasn't going to do...I cried. Now me, I cry, when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, tired, I tear up. But not everyone knows that. The reason I cried on Thursday wasn't because I was shocked by the medical equipment, it was because Matthew looked so perfect. I have been in enough hospitals and around enough injuries that I tend to not see things like ventilators and IV's as "abnormal" or scary. I see the person.
12 weeks old is still a small baby. He looked like he was sleeping...almost. My heart was just breaking. Why? Why this little boy? Why this young mom? I didn't stay too long, it was just too hard for me and the last thing needed there was for Val to feel uncomfortable. The next day I decided to try my hand at making Manicotti. I must say I did a pretty darn good job! I took some over to Val and her family again. I know how much I hated eating out when we were in Canada the last time, I can't imagine living off of hospital food for nearly a month. I can't do much, but I can offer what I have to give, prayer and dinner.
There were a few other ladies there this time and the atmosphere was more relaxed. There was laughter, story telling and the entire time one woman was stroking Matthews head and another his foot. Can he hear us? I don't know. Can he feel the love and prayers? I don't know. I was glad to be there, to show this time that his condition didn't scare me, that I was more comfortable. I said a little prayer and touched his head before I left. Today they were making some decisions, Matthew may or may not stay at the hospital, he may or may not stay here with us on Earth. It was a family day for them today. I kept my distance, but they are weighing heavily on my heart and mind. Are they okay? What a silly question; how can you be okay in a situation like this?
To make things even more difficult, Val has almost nowhere to turn. The media has gotten hold of the case and are hounding the hospital. She can no longer go online, everything she says can, and most likely will, be used against her. While I was there I noticed she had pictures of her husband still up. She spoke of him as well. How does one wrap your mind around the fact that your baby most likely will not live and it is because of the hands of your husband? A news station printed the police report of him confessing what he did. Why did I read it? I can't give a good answer, but I am sorry I did. The things he did to that baby were horrible. How can you disregard such a tiny, precious life?

I hate that we met under these circumstances, but after so much prayer, I feel that I am being called to support her. Why me? Why not me? Things are going to get more difficult before they get better and I can only do what I know how...continue to pray for guidance and trust in the Lord.

Crawling!

So today was an interesting day....before noon, and with an hour nap in there, Delanah managed to bang her head, draw on her pants and shirt with a pen, add some charges to my cell phone (I didn't even know it had some of the features she found), turn on my cell phone, put a bowl with some yogurt still in it on her head (very messy) and discover the baby in the mirror and then proceed to fog the mirror with her breath and then lick the mirror. What a morning!
We did manage to hit the play group and the library (woo-hoo!). No afternoon nap, she has her mother's stubborn streak. Right before Dave got home we had some fun with toes. She scooted herself over to my feet, her snak trap still in hand, and was cracking herself up by grabbing my toes. I would wait until she grabbed them and then wiggle them and she thought that was hilarious. As she scooted over to the bag of library books, she left a trail of crumbs. Before Dave arrived with Bay I vacuumed the rug but didn't have time to put the vacuum away. Delanah has this strange fascination with the vacuum. Anyhoos, Dave, the vacuum and I were on one side of the room and Delanah on the other. We were chatting and watching her when lo and behold she gets on all 4's and crawls to the vacuum!!!!!! What the heck!!! I didn't expect to get so emotional about it. I actually cried! Little stinker! We knew she would just up and do things on her schedule, but seriously, she must have been practicing in her crib!

Hands

I miss having pretty hands. My hands are so dry and seem so utilitarian now. I admit, I look with jealousy at women with nicely manicured hands. It just doesn't seem worth it right now when I have diapers to change, objects to fish out of mouths, dinners to make, laundry to wash, etc, etc, etc. One day.....

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

Yesterday we were at 75F, today, right now, there is snow falling. Gotta love Colorado! Yesterday we were able to get out and play at a pumpkin patch, so at least we got to enjoy the warm weather. We also had a nice family walk last night :)
The pumpkin patch was..."interesting". It was through another meetup.com group I am in, I have only been to one other event. Anyhoos, not the friendliest bunch yesterday. There was a couple there who we met before, and they didn't even acknowledge me! Granted, I wasn't in the mood to ask questions and pretend to be interested in the answers, so we stayed and played a little and then booked it home. I might try the group again at a later date, but we'll see. I like my Friday play group. The ladies are great, the kiddos are great, just a good time. Tomorrow there are more moms coming, which is great, but their kids are a bit older and I am worried Delanah will be left in the dust. I say don't mess with a good thing, but you never know, maybe I'll really click with one of the new moms!

So yesterday I watched a Dr. Phil on teenage girls and promiscuity. Oh my goodness I was shocked into silence! That's pretty hard to do! Girls as young as 10 getting recruited by older teen girls to prostitute themselves...kids having intercourse on the dance floor at school dances...seriously! Dave thinks we should move to Dubai when Delanah gets older :) It just made me realize what a huge job I have ahead of me. It's my job to make sure that I teach Delanah to respect herself, that modesty is a good thing, that conducting yourself as a lady will attract a much better man. There are so many pressures on kids these days and it's such a big responsibility as a parent. When Delanah was only a few days old Dave started reading the book "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" and I love that he is preparing himself now. We are also looking into a class through church that is going to help guide us in activities we can do with her to introduce her the God and the bible. I think we're starting a good foundation...but man, there are a lot of obstacles out there.

MOPS!

Yesterday was so big in so many ways. Other than Delanah uttering "mama" for the first time, I experienced my first MOPS meeting! It was also Delanah's first time in a daycare setting. Big day for both! I really, really enjoyed the meeting. We had a speaker sharing ways that we could bring devotionals and teachings into our home. We had some discussion questions afterwards and I think that was the best thing for me.
I always feel a little out of place in church. I mean, I identify myself as a Christian, but some times I feel so inadequate. I feel as if everyone around me knows the answers to the questions, that there is some secret to becoming a better Christian and I just don't know what that is. I want to raise Delanah knowing the Lord, but how do I do that if I am not confident myself? As we were sharing, I took a leap and mentioned something that is heavy on my heart. Dave is not a very active Christian and sometimes, most of the time, I feel that he only goes to church and prays before meals because I do. I had always wanted to marry a Christian, and when I met Dave, he hadn't gone to church...well...since he was baptized as an infant! It wasn't important to his family to practice their faith, but they claimed their denomination anyway. Once we met, he became interested in his denomination and started attending services and the next thing I know I get a phone call and he tells me that he is getting confirmed in his faith the next day, but couldn't understand why I was upset about that. I wouldn't have been upset if he had shared with me that he knew, understood, practiced his faith and comprehended the depth of what getting confirmed meant. I thought then, and still think now, that he assumed that's what people do, it was the next step in life, a checked box, not the spiritual commitment that I take it to be.
Even now I am surprised by what he believes. He has chosen to believe that Satan does not exist, because how can God allow something like that? That statement sent chills through me...how can you protect yourself from something you won't recognize as existing? Anyhoos, as we were sharing in our groups about what steps we are going to take to introduce the bible and our faith to our children in our home, I shared that Dave was not in the same place in his faith that I was. I honestly feel like every time I walk into church that we are the only couple experiencing that. Well...almost every single woman at that table shared the same thing!!!!! Some shared that their husbands want nothing to do with God at all anymore. In that, I am thankful, Dave still wants to learn, is still open to knowing the Lord. I am blessed and I need to start focusing on what I have, not what I don't.
I am looking forward to sharing this year with these ladies. My table has 7 people and they are just so nice. What a great group!

So sad...

I read just this week about a young mom who experienced I think every moms nightmare. She left her 8 week old baby boy at home with her husband/his father to do some grocery shopping. Many stay at home moms can understand this...so much easier to get that chore done without the baby in tow. She gets a call 1/2 way through her shopping from her husband telling her that their son had stopped breathing. She gets home to find her house surrounded by police and fire vehicles and discovers her son has already been whisked away to the hospital. Once there, she and her husband get taken, individually, to be questioned. A policeman comes to her and lets her know that it was most definitely a case of shaken baby syndrome and when she asks, is told that her husband has been taken to jail.
The prognosis is not good for her little boy. It has been almost 3 weeks since the incident and she has been told many times that her little angel will not survive once life support is taken away. I cannot even begin to fathom what she is going through. To have your precious child harmed in such a vicious manner and the person you want to turn to the most is the one who caused the harm....how do you survive? She turned to an online community (one through which I have met many great ladies in real life) and asked for prayers. I wish there was more I could do, but I truly believe in the power of prayer.
How do you start? As a mom, I want to pray only for the miraculous recovery of her son. There is only one who could do this, and if it is His will, it will be done. But there I am caught...if it's His will. What if it's the Lords will that this little boy come home to Him? What then? I find myself having an ever changing prayer...praying for the recovery of Matthew, praying for the safe passing of Matthew, praying for the strength of his mom, Val. I have yet to pray for the dad....I really don't know where to start there. I cannot imagine shaking a baby so tiny, so innocent, yet I know it happens every day by people who are pushed to their breaking point. His life is gone, his wife, his son, gone to him. But I cannot bring myself to include him in my prayers. What kind of Christian does this make me?
For those who may come across this blog, please include a precious little baby boy, Matthew, and his mother, Val in your prayers. They need so much right now.

mama!!!!

Yesterday, a little after 1pm MST, Delanah said "Mama" for the first time! I was in the kitchen getting our water ready and she was in the living room. It wasn't mamamamama...no, it was most definitely "mama" Woo-hoo!!!! I have been waiting for this for so long! We know she knows who I am , but hearing it from her mouth, it is the best feeling in the world! She said "Dada" first, well, technically, I think "Ba" is her first word, that's what she calls Bailey :)

Let's see...an update on Delanah...she is cutting 3 teeth, to left uppers and the middle right. I think they will show themselves in the next 48 hours. Poor thing has been in some pain, but we are using apples and pears and teethers to soothe her little gums. I've been bitten a few times, but nothing major, so I consider myself incredibly lucky :) No crawling, we still have a super crawler! She gets into the crawl position but goes backwards...and looks so incredibly confused by it! She loves standing, but doesn't seem interested in walking. We found out last week that Dave didn't crawl until about 11 months and didn't walk until 15 months. Looks like she's following in Daddy's footsteps!

This Monday is our 7th Anniversary. Wow....7 years....somedays it seems like just yesterday that we were newlyweds, and look where we are now. Next spring it will have been 10 years since we met, that's just incredible to me, I have known Dave 1/3 of my life...wow. G-ma and G-pa are coming up tomorrow to watch Delanah so Dave and I can head out and have an anniversary dinner together. Our second dinner alone since she was born almost year ago...we really need to get out more.

Banff

Today was a good day :) We had an early morning and Dave took Delanah to get brekkie...yay! I got to get mine later and it was SO nice to have 2 hands and no stroller to maneuver! Nap included all 3 of us, gotta love King beds! I was the last one to rise and wasn't up until 11:30! Ooops! We met Ian and Maria and after a stop to get gas and drinks/snacks, we were on our way! Once there we were getting everything we needed for lunch for Delanah and I couldn't find her high chair cover or place mat, both things I had asked, and trusted, Dave to get. Well, he forgot them. Was I upset? Yes, initially. This is why I get everything ready on my own! I am making a concerted effort to trust him with more things to gather when we are leaving, and I gave him a verbal list of everything he could gather and trusted that they would get done without double checking them. Well.....

He was just kicking himself, no point in me making him feel worse. We were having Italian too! I had grabbed her bib, thank goodness, so we had that and just had to make do. Delanah was such a neat eater today! Cleaner than I had ever seen after a meal! Thank you Old Spaghetti Factory for having a kids meal and delivering it with our salads so it had time to cool down! Maria had taken Delanah for some walks while we were letting her food cool; Dave tried to give Maria a break, but apparently Maria was having too much fun :)
After lunch we headed to Roots where I got to browse as Maria was amusing Delanah with making faces in a mirror and some stroller dancing. It is just so awesome to watch Maria and Ian with Delanah. Delanah is quite taken with them both, especially Maria, and I think she is going to be looking for her next week. Delanah was asleep in the Ergo before we knew it and we all enjoyed popping in and out of the tourist shops and taking pictures of the beautiful scenery. There was a small meltdown about 40min from the hotel...poor Delanah was overtired and roasting! We did some seat hopping and stripping (of Delanah, of course) and were soon on our way. She had some residual tizzy left in her but we were soon entertained by a giggling baby.
With all of the disasters that occurred this week, and as much as I am looking forward to heading home, it is going to be hard to leave Maria. She is such a fantastic lady and has been so wonderful with Delanah. She shared with me earlier this week that due to some differences with a son in law, she doesn't get to see those grandchildren. How someone could keep Maria from kids is beyond my comprehension. I wish they were closer, Delanah would love to have another set of Grandparents! Who knows when we'll get to see them again, it's hard to think that Delanah will be walking, talking, and maybe even a big sister by the time we are all in the same country again. I have been blessed to have spent this week with her and Delanah has been blessed as well. Goodbye Calgary, again, we will see you after the winter....oh, here come the sentimental feelings and tears...

What a crappy day

I am SO glad this day is over! This morning we were up at 7:30, nursed Delanah and then slept until 9am. Down to brekkie we go, even though all I wanted to do was sleep more, and man it was packed! So we grabbed some food and came back to the room. Oh, no bananas for Delanah either. Around 10:20 she started rubbing her eyes so I thought I would put her in her crib for a nap. I let her fuss for a bit then went and took my shower and tried to wake up. An hour after I put her down she really started wailing so I went in get her and there she was, sitting up, looking like a little jailbird facing her bars :) We played on the floor for a bit, she was really into cuddling and interacting with me. I went to feed her around 11am and we laid in bed and she crashed. I was getting myself ready and playing on the computer. I was hoping she would take a long nap, considering how late she went to bed the night before, and I was hungry (have I mentioned how tired I am of eating out?) so I looked at the "room service" menu for something to order for Delanah and I. Boston Pizza, across the parking lot, offers the "room service", at high prices and with fatty foods. I finally decided on something for her, went to order it and was told that the menu that the hotel left in our room was outdated and they didn't offer that item any more. Before I could order from their website, Delanah was up, only an hour after going down.
I got us ready quickly and decided we would get our errands done. Heck, although there was nothing there the other day, I figured something in the food court would do for us for lunch. On the way out I stopped at the front desk and requested that they service the room. The mall was packed, of course, but we found a spot near Sears and meandered our way to the doors. Then the handicapped door (the outer of the two doors) was not working so I had to wrestle a stroller and a heavy door. We headed to the children's play area and I let Delanah spend some time standing near the wire/bead table and interact with the kids. There was a mom there who complimented Delanah's standing. How lovely Canadians are! I think Delanah was doing a pretty good job as well, but it's always nice when other people notice. After a bit she was tiring and the kids were leaving so we took off to wander a bit. We came back to the play area as the elevator is there and I had decided to get a fruit smoothie and then let her play again...guess what was broken...the elevator! Sigh....I let Delanah play a bit more then we left...on to Superstore!
The "family's with young children" spots were taken over with carts, so we parked a bit further out. I sent a text to Dave letting him know we weren't going to be up for the BBQ tonight. I was hungry (brekkie at 9am, it was now 3pm and no lunch in sight) and tired. We went to get more gDiapers...guess what they didn't have? None of the wipes I wanted either. Awesome. They did have my bran muffins though! I got some of my favorite cookies from the bin, some muffins and a cheese roll and as a special treat, a Canadian Reader's Digest :)
I get back to the hotel and in the elevator there is yet another of the ominous notes...the water was to be turned off from 3:30-7pm...it was 3:40...great. I walk to the room, excited that we were going to have a vacuumed floor and new towels and.....they didn't service the room! I called to the desk immediately and they were as useless as always. This was the end for me. Delanah was fussy, again, I was tired, hungry and sick and tired of them turning off the water! I tried the calling card and couldn't make it work so I called Dave on my cell phone and I was just crying. I am so sick of this hotel! I want to go home! I asked him to bring water so we could at least wash up.
Delanah and I laid down in bed and she fell asleep after nursing and I dozed on and off. Dave came back, having tried to talk to the manager (again, useless) and brought water :) I went down and asked for towels, letting them know I had now been waiting 4 hours for them and said they could still come up and service the room. I decided that I could go to the BBQ and lo and behold, the water came on! When we got back a little after 8pm there was still nothing done in our room....SO not happy! This was just not a fun day! Dave and Delanah are both sleeping right now and I am almost done decompressing and will soon be joining them. Calgary was really fun last time, this time? Yeah, not going to be racing back here anytime soon and most definitely NOT to this hotel!

Acceptance

Why do I have so much trouble accepting compliments? I have had a great time hanging out with Maria this week. What a fantastic lady! She adores Delanah, and I believe the sentiment is mutual, and we have had some great days together. She often makes comments on what a great disposition Delanah has, and I typically follow up with a comment of my own to the fact that Dave and I got lucky, and her reply is that it has something to do with how she is being raised. What an awesome compliment, but I have such a hard time accepting this praise. I don't know why.
Another issue I am having...correcting people when they pronounce, or spell, Delanah's name incorrectly. If it's a stranger, no issues, but with people I know and like, why do I have a problem? Tonight we were at Bruce and Nancy's for dinner and Nancy kept saying "de-lay-nuh". It was just too awkward to correct her...this after she went out and bought a booster seat especially for Delanah to enjoy her meal in! How fantastic is she?! I need to grow some and just start being the advocate for Delanah that I need to be. I'm learning!!!!

My big girl

So many changes this week! My little girl figure out Tuesday that she could push herself into a sitting position from her stomach! She demonstrated this new skill to Maria (and myself) while we were at an indoor play area today. She knows how to get her legs under her, and this afternoon when we were hanging out in our room, she was in the crawl position! I thought she might make a go of it, but nah, back to the tried and true roll :) It was nice at the play area today...no judgement from the other moms, one mom saw her rolling, smiled at her, smiled at me and said "why crawl when you can roll?" I know I shouldn't look to others for validation that everything is cool, but it's still nice to get it :) Maybe Canadians are just nicer :)
We are progressing well with standing! Tuesday we went to the play area in Southcentre and played at the wire/bead table. Delanah has been liking standing for awhile now, holding lightly on to my hands and only after I get her into the position, but I think she likes falling down and my saying "boom" the most :) So I would get her into a standing position and leave her at the table and she would stay there for a few to several minutes and she would be playing with the beads! Her legs are strong, she's got everything there for the next step...well, everything but the desire really to walk :) Maria thinks I give in to her too often and I should just let her go and try things on her own. I agree. I am becoming a helicopter mom! I hover!!!! Sigh....
Tonight Delanah fell asleep on her stomach with her bum in the air. Can she be any cuter?

I think my poor angel is battling some teething issues as well. Yesterday she woke up in the most foul mood! We were on our own yesterday and I decided, since it was a beautiful day, that we were going to hit Superstore to get more water for us and muffins for Dave and his crew and then hit a park in the afternoon. She was okay in the store, but man was she fussy in the car and hotel! We were sitting on the floor looking through her toys when she bent over and bit my knee! Then she looked at me with her big eyes like "get it now, mom?" Her poor mouth hurt! After some Motrin she was down for a morning nap and woke a little happier. The first park we went to was an adventure. There were 2 infant swings, both in use, so I sat her on the grass to play with some toys. I was finishing putting sun block on her when a bee landed on her shoe! Soon after a swing opened up and in she went. She was all smiles and giggles and having fun when I noticed the bee trying to get to her again! I brushed it away, but it kept coming back! I pulled her out of the swing and stepped away, thought the coast was clear and she went back in. The little bugger came back! That was it for me! I was not going to find out in another country whether or not my daughter was allergic! We drove a bit more and I found a smaller park with one infant swing, and a view of the trains, and she stayed in there for almost an hour! Typically if I clap my hands and hold my arms out to her when she's in a swing she'll reach out for me too. Not this time! The stinker tucked her arms into her sides! She was not ready to go! Eventually I convinced her it was time to go (after she had a few water breaks in the swing) and back for afternoon nap. We went back in the evening as it was still warm and she had another 30min round in the swing. She just loves it so much :)
I just love spending time with Delanah. She is an awesome kid and I feel so incredibly blessed to be her mom. Even when she is fussy :) The fact that she wants my cuddles, lights up when she sees me and graces me with her smiles and giggles just makes my day so complete.

My cuddler

So for the past few days Delanah has become a big cuddler. I love it! She'll just lean into me for a snuggle and then be on her way again. We were in a store yesterday and she was in her favorite spot, the seat in the cart, and she kept reaching up her arms to me for hugs. I'd give a good cuddle and then she was back to people watching. What an awesome kid! I feel so blessed to have her in my life :)
Okay, so I am confused on the whole "first word" thing....you see, she will say "mum-mum-mum-mum"...but may not be specifically asking for me. Yesterday as she was leaning in for a hug once she said "mum-mum-mum-mum", but does that count? We know "ba" is for Bailey and sometimes we'll get a "da" around Dave, but nothing distinct...not that I am worried, she has her own way of communicating and I am still working on signing with her, but the poor kid is going to have dates with question marks behind them in her baby book as I am not going to be sure when exactly things happened!

Yesterday Dave met us at the JBF sale and Delanah was so happy! I just love the grin on her face and the way her whole body radiates excitement when she sees her Daddy. There is no doubt that she loves him :) We got some great things, some B-day items, Christmas items, winter coat/pants/booties/gloves, Halloween costume, Christmas outfit...so much fun! It's recycling in my own way :) Delanah and I volunteered Wed so we could hit the presale last night, and I am glad we did! There was a ton of stuff there, but man, some women (very few men there) had just heaps and heaps of clothing! I am always surprised that there is anything left the first day or even the half price sale on Sunday. It was kind of fun when we were in line...there was a woman behind us who wasn't even showing yet :) I remember those days! So excited to get out and get the first baby items! Now I am trying to keep ahead of the growth spurts! Just a little over 10 months old and she is quickly moving out of 12 month clothes! I got about 11 pairs of pajamas in 18 month size (only $2 each!) and I think Dave was having a really hard time...trying to picture his little girl getting bigger :) Can hardly wait until the spring JBF sale...who knows how big she will be then!

I hate Mondays...

So this morning started just wrong. Dave got up at 5am to do some work, turned on some bright lights and left the door open...guess who was then awake. Ugh! Just close the door!! I was supposed to head down south today to spend the day with the G-parents and was SO looking forward to it. Here I was, exhausted and grumpy and seriously needing a little break. I couldn't find my phone, the car was started and cooling, the bird was being obnoxious (or maybe I was just that grumpy) when I finally find my phone, and get the message that G-ma is sick and we can't go down....now what?! Well, put Delanah down for a nap to start. Here I was, excited to not have my daily chores staring me in the face today...suck!!!!
I tried to nap while she was down without any luck and then decided to run some errands. We got a new car seat last week and the jury is out on whether or not I really like it. Seems to be a struggle to loosen the straps and is just a pain in the keester sometimes. Anyhoos, finally get some caffeine in me, come home, Delanah falls asleep about 5 minutes before we get home...power nap!!!! Which means it's going to be a struggle for afternoon naps...sigh....
We get up and leave for the dog park with Bay a little after 5. Do I want to go? No. But Bay needs some exercise and so do I. Dave has business partners in town all week, was going to be late tonight, is out for dinner tomorrow night, gone overnight Wed....Oye! I was just irritated that this was going to be another week where I feel like I am doing it all alone. I think I just need some sleep.

The master

On Tuesday of this week I gave Delanah a Snack Trap for the first time. Using this takes fine motor movement, gross motor movement and a lot of spatial skills...not only did she figure out how to use it in less than 5 minutes...she mastered it! Yes, she figured out how to dump all of the treats out! Awesome!
Tuesday was a fun day. We went to a u-pick farm with another mom and baby and had a lot of fun picking strawberries and raspberries and then eating them, still warm from the sun...YUM! I got us some peaches, a melon, and some green and purple beans too. Delanah got to eat an entire peach, whole, by herself! Man, this kid can chow! She was on a bit of a sugar high afterwards....man, I think we saw a preview of what life is going to be like when she's older and has cookies :)
Tuesday night we installed her new "big girl" car seat! Man, it's a sweet ride! This morning I went and had it inspected and they said we did a great job...yeah us! Only a few body slams on the seat, one unfortunate head knock and a lot of muscle and we got it in :) I got some questions about the seat answered as well and I am quite happy with our purchase. She's already fallen asleep in it a few times, so I'm thinking she likes it :)
Wednesday we had to take the Murano in for some service and we took a little walk and found a little outdoor play area in a mall. The kids playing there were from 3 1/2 to 5 1/2, and man oh man did Delanah want to be with them! The kids were all so good with her! She was giggling and reaching out to them and watching them. She had such a good time :) That night we met Abbey and Paul for some Italian food and our little compactor ate her entire kids meal! She's doing awesome drinking through her straw too! Not sure if this is early for kids or not, but she's been drinking from a straw since a little before 9 months old. Yeah...she's awesome :)

We have a floater!

Now, normally this title when referencing an infant, would refer to an unfortunate bath incident...but not this time! Delanah has graduated from the first stage of ISR...my girl can float! She was going through the scenarios today like they were nothing! I was so comfortable that her instructor and I were sharing "war stories" about mozzie bites :p Delanah loves floating! As soon as she was allowed to float, there were smiles, raspberry blowing, splashing, she's just too funny! Cindy, her instructor, commented on how social Delanah is; she has to see who is coming and going. I am SO proud of her!!!!! We will go back in Feb/March to start round #2 of lessons; this time it will will float, swim, float...woo-hoo! After her lesson, as she was supposed to be relaxing poolside, she scooted towards the edge of the pool and was trying to put her hand in, she wanted to play some more! Yes, we are creating a water baby :)
This morning Delanah and I, along with 18 other babies and moms, went to a baby sign language seminar/introductory class. It was such fun! It was so loud! One baby would start babbling and then all would join in. At one point all the moms were singing and signing a song and it was amazing, at almost the same time, all the babies got quiet! Too funny. I was feeling a little self conscious though...all the other babies, even the ones younger than Delanah, were crawling all over the place, and some were even walking! Delanah is not doing any of that. Another mom commented that she was quite the observer, and she is. She sat, very quietly, for about 15min just studying all the other babies and then she began interacting with the babies near her and towards the end of the 45min class she even launched herself onto her stomach to get a ball she had her eye on...my little sweet pea :) I know she will walk and crawl in her own time. And I am pretty sure she eats better than the other babies there, can float better and even uses a little toilet now! So many things to be proud of.
One more new skill she learned today...during afternoon nap she managed to get her diaper off! Little toot! Guess I am going to have to repair the velcro ASAP...unless I want an unfortunate nap session in the near future :)

Rough day

Oh the woes from yesterday spilled over into today as well. Delanah woke this morning with the wettest diaper I have ever scene (or felt)! It soaked into her diaper and pajamas as well! That's one heck of a wet diaper! So I stripped her down, put a new diaper on and took her in with me to nurse. I was too tired/lazy to put new pajamas on her so I left her in bed with me to cuddle with for warmth. I was rudely awoken this morning by someone, who had pushed me to the edge of the bed, pulling my hair and snapping my sleeper bra straps...nice... We were so off today! Naps were late, and then I had to wake her from the am nap in order to meet Kim at the dog park on time. Could I have let her sleep? Yes, but I really needed some adult conversation! The dog park was fun and at least Bay got some good play time in :) Home for lunch and then afternoon nap and then I spaced....
I completely forgot about swimming tonight! We should leave a little before 5pm, and a few minutes before 5 I realized that we were very late. We got there with about 30sec to spare and Delanah was not doing well. We cut the lesson time down to 5min and agreed to have her rest a lot tomorrow to have a better lesson. Tomorrow she goes in with jeans, onesie, socks, shoes and winter coat!!! Eeek! Better to practice in a safe environment that try it out in an emergency. Oh, she also woke with a nice scratch between her eyes this morning. Awesome.
Delanah is tired, but refusing to fall asleep tonight. I hate to let her fuss it out, but it's just going to take longer if I head up there again. Hmmm...maybe I should go up there.
I hate when Dave is gone. I am exhausted, I feel like I am chasing my own tail and there is no one here to stop me. I don't know how single moms do it...this sucks and is really hard.

Anti-climatic

So I have been having a lot of fear of late...fear that somehow when delivering Delanah, much of my knowledge, and grasp of the English language, somehow escaped. Recently I have met a fabulous group of moms and they can relate to the whole "mommy brain" thing, so it is either a phenomenon that only occurred with the births of our children, or it's a lot more common than people mention. So last Wednesday Delanah and I went to another Dollar Day Kindermusik class. This time people showed up! I woke late and we got there a tad late, but still had so much fun! We had been sitting there for just a few minutes when the mom next to me turns to me and says "Your daughter is gorgeous". Now I think Delanah is beautiful, I mean I'm her mom, that's my job! We get so many compliments where ever we go though...it's kind of nice, but I hope it doesn't go to our heads!
Back to my anti-climatic day...after Kindermusik, since we were in the neighborhood, we went to deliver my key to my old clinic. Okay, so a year after the fact may be a little late, but at least I did it! Not like they knew a key was missing either! Went by my old, old clinic and it's now a martial arts studio...wonder if they kept that 1970's stove....Got to my old clinic and got to see my former coworkers. Now here's the kicker...as soon as I walked in it's like all my fears disappeared. I felt an overwhelming sense that I could do it, I could walk in that clinic tomorrow and feel competent to work on a patient. Ahhh...sweet feeling! Now here's the kicker...I felt I could treat patients, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember 1/2 my former coworkers names!

Why do I even bother?

Trying to sleep? Here it is, almost 2am, again, and I am awake...again. I am exhausted! Delanah is getting up earlier than she was before, I have tons of things to do and get done, I am exhausted by dinner time, and yet here I am, awake again. This majorly sucks! I really need to stop planning things for the weekend. Tomorrow I have to get a shirt for me for pics Sunday, try to get my nails painted, clean up the house, finish laundry, meet the godparents for an afternoon play date, get to church for 5pm service, try to groom for pics Sunday, oh yeah, and be a mom too! Tonight Dave came home...yay! Delanah and I were outside to meet him and saw him waiting at the intersection for the light, we turned and were walking up the street to greet him when we ran into Irene, the neighborhood "gossip". She's a nice lady, but knows way too much about everyone and likes to share the juicy bits about people...I know more about people than I really wanted to! Anyhoos, she's a talker and we were chatting when Dave passed us by and pulled into our little parking area. I heard him gun the engine, like he always does when reversing into his space, and didn't think anything of it. Irene could see him over my shoulder and said the car was in the middle of the road. Apparently our car has died. When the light turned green at the aforementioned intersection, the car wouldn't move out of 1st gear! The car died in the complex, but started enough for him to back into the space, but man did it sound horrible! So he thinks either the clutch line or the gear box....they both sound expensive to me.

Oye! Just when I was getting used to the idea of having someone come in to do the deep cleaning in the house! I see know way of us affording both at the moment. Man!!! So that on top of everything I have to get done tomorrow is running through my mind at the moment....hmmmm...I think I know why I am not sleeping! Suck!!!!

9 months old!!!!

As of last Friday, my little sweet pea is 9 months old!!!! Amazing how quickly these last few months have flown by! This past week was also Shark Week on Discovery Channel...Dave and I were reminiscing about what our thoughts were during Shark Week last year...we were so afraid of the unknown! We were also running around trying to choose our wood floors, paint the nursery....everything that needed to be done before Delanah arrived. My how things have changed! Now we are focused on the fact that our little girl can "motor boat" her lips, clap her hands and is starting to be more consistent with waving "hi" and "bye"! Still no moving around, which I must admit I have been enjoying, but every day I am seeing more and more signs that she is going to be on the move soon!
Dave, Delanah and I went out this weekend looking for a TV stand. Okay, we have been using this $25 wooden shelving unit as a TV stand since we were married...I bought it for college!!! Hey, it's worked! Before Delanah was born I went looking for a "proper" TV stand/entertainment center and could not find one I liked. Well, it doesn't help that I am so darn cheap! Dave has finally convinced me that we need to spend more than what we spent on our current stand and with this in mind I fell in love with one! Dave liked it too and we came home and measured and we think it will be perfect in here. I also found a cute dinette set that would be a better fit in our kitchen, but I can only spend so much at one time, so we'll wait on that one :)
With Delanah looking like she's wanting to move, we're going to need to start baby proofing big time! Anchoring things to the walls, covering the outlets, getting those baby gates put up finally...oh the fun, the fun :) I am sure I am going to have a heart attack when I see the prices on everything, but I will just tighten the belt a bit in other areas. I know it's been bothering Dave lately, me wanting to tighten the belt on things, but I can't help it! It's my nature to want to save! There is a lot of guilt as well...I am no longer contributing to the household income, but as the primary shopper, I tend to spend most of it. I am hitting the coupons like crazy, not running things when we don't have to, looking for deals on everything. I don't know if it's a pride thing with Dave, but my wanting to save money doesn't mean he's not providing for us, we're much better off than many two income families, it's just my way of contributing to the house.
Oh, one more thing...last week I had a "little" meltdown. Dave was gone for the week so I was a single parent, who way over schedules herself. It was a busy day, I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep that week, I had a full day and was completely overwhelmed. Dave broached the subject again about getting a company in here to help with some of the cleaning. I still feel guilty about that, like I should be able to get all of that done, but I just can't. I am playing phone tag with a company at the moment and hope to connect with her tomorrow and I hope I get a better quote than what I did last year this time! It would just be nice to have someone come in once a month to do the deep cleaning for me. I've never been very good at that and with a little one now, I am even worse. I wish I was a super mom and could do everything I needed to do around the house and have time to clean and shop and play with Delanah and have some "me" time, but I'm not and I am learning to be okay with that.

She floats!

So day 1, week 2 of ISR lessons, and Delanah was floating by herself today!!! My big girl! Cindy, our instructor, seemed quite pleased and I was just in awe. Here is a not even 9 month old baby, and she was able to take herself from vertical to float, without assistance!!!!! This is the most amazing program and I am going to tell as many moms and dads about it as possible. It is SO important for kids to know how to float, you never know when a water accident may happen! We have a new lesson time this week and when we got there I saw another baby! His lesson was already over, but I was beginning to wonder if Delanah was the youngest student....and here before we got started I thought we were waiting too long!
Tomorrow G-pa is coming up to watch Delanah in action. I need to make sure she gets her afternoon nap in this time. today we were late getting up, late in morning nap and she fell asleep on the way there and woke up tired and grumpy and just complained through the entire lesson. She was doing so well last week! After the lesson we stopped at the grocery store to get what we needed for the week...we were both so tired! I am LOVING her cart cover! We had been shopping for one here and couldn't find one less than $30 (and those were the ugly ones) but when we were in Calgary I found one I loved and it was cheap! Woo-hoo! Delanah absolutely adores riding in the cart...smiles and giggles all around! We raced down one aisle and she really enjoyed that :) So we got what we needed, came home, stripped her down for dinner and had our chicken and veggies. She seemed to really want to play with her sippy cup for the most part. She has learned how to get water out of it (not by drinking) and drenched not only her tray, but her bib as well...ahhhh...my talented little girl :) Bath time was early and short and she was soon in bed. I seriously need to get myself to bed as well.
Oooh, so I have really been working on the "milk" sign for her and tonight when she was nursing she was doing it! Could have been a fluke, we'll have to see, but I'd like to think she's just that smart!

Another week alone...

So Dave is gone for another week, all alone.......maybe I'll finally get some of the things done around here that I've been meaning to do. We really do miss it when he's gone, but is it wrong to look forward to the week as well? Okay, that came out wrong. It's just that when all I have to worry about is Delanah and I, well, we do things on a different schedule. I don't feel like I need to worry about getting all the chores done before he gets home, or have a nice dinner planned, or laundry folded, etc...we are on "Mommy and Delanah" time for the next week. This means that most things get done when they get done, but without the guilt! I tend to get more things done when home alone anyway...I don't know why. I think I like the idea that he's going to come home and see a difference in the way the house looks.
My goals for this week....donate the schwak of items we have meant for Goodwill (I am a serious pack rat sometimes, but I'm slowly chipping away at things), wipe down and prep for storage all of the baby items we no longer use....this task has been hard for me. My little girl is too big for her bouncer! We don't use her swing anymore, and now that we have the UPPA and BOB, we don't use her Graco stroller anymore either. If only I had known earlier how awesome the BOB was...I don't think we would have gotten the Graco in the first place. We are keeping it around though for baby #2, and possibly 3, 4, 5...oh who knows how many little Schelbach's we'll eventually be blessed with! I think with those two chores I am going to have a lot of room open up, and Bay will finally get to reach her toys again :)
Oh there are the other things I want to get done as well, finally get everything in place in our room, prep the master bath...but in order to get everything done I would miss out on play time with Delanah and that's just not something I am willing to do....so the chores drag on.... I am hoping to get back on a good sleeping schedule again as well. Delanah is on a great schedule, if only I could get myself on a proper time clock! Last night, or this morning rather, I was up until about 3am...don't know why...sigh....

The worst travel ever....

So last Monday Delanah and I accompanied Dave on a trip to Calgary. I was really looking forward to it as it had been some time since I had been back there and I was really excited about introducing Delanah to her mommy and daddy's first home. We chose a 3pm flight (afternoon nap time) and had a nice, relaxed morning with a good nap in there. I even made myself a sandwich so I wouldn't spend an arm and a leg there. (Yay me!)
First problem arose when we tried to check in. I have to check in Delanah and myself as we are on a separate booking from Dave's work booking. Well, I guess there was a $12 ticket we were supposed to have been charged for when booking Delanah's ticket, so no self check-in, we were helped by a very nice gentleman who didn't even charge us a bag fee! We made it to our gate in plenty of time, all in good spirits. Now we've learned from before that we should board last to limit the amount of time Delanah has to sit on the plane. So as we're stuffing the stroller in its bag (mind you, this was a small gate area and we were withing 10 feet of the podium), the last people were lining up and all of the sudden they felt it necessary to start paging us...we can see you and I know you can see us! Geez! It is the smallest plane, ever, and I sit Delanah on a seat, try to get it, can't as some bags are in the way, decide to stuff my bag under the seat first, it knocks into Delanah (it was full of diapers and blankets, so very soft), she starts tottering sideways, a man from across the way grabs her arm, she freaks out, starts crying...awesome!
Then a storm moves in and we're stuck on the tarmac. We take off more than an hour late, the plane is hot, Delanah is fussy, hot and tired, we are already getting glares (especially from the man across the way and the woman in front of him), I am stressed.....what a great flight!!!!
We land, take our time to get to customs get our luggage, give our card to the Canadian customs, get about 5 feet past when Dave goes..:Wait! We have one more bag!". We turn around and tell the customs guy, who could hear our conversation, he gives Dave a hard time, 5 seconds later turns to me and chews me out because apparently I cannot stand where I am and I must move, guess I should have known this. Mind you, I have not eaten in 7 hours now, am tired and irritated. So here I go, pushing a stroller and pulling a full luggage cart, with about 30 people directly in my way who felt it wasn't necessary to move for me, all staring. You people rock and I hope your lack of goodwill bites you in the butt!
Anyhoos, turns out that somehow United managed to lose our bag...on a direct flight! It had all of Delanah's toys and all my toiletries...and to top things off, United felt it wasn't necessary to man the lost luggage area. Sigh..... Thank you, thank you, thank you Air Canada staff! They helped us get the right paperwork so our bag could be released from customs when it made it there, tried calling United numerous times for us and even gave us to "emergency packs" so I had a toothbrush to use that night. At least getting our rental car was quick and easy, everything fit, the car seat was installed quickly and we were on our way. Oh, one more thing, United managed to decimate our car seat bag....yay United!
We decided to stop at Toys R Us, as Delanah was now napping in her seat, and get at least 1-2 toys for her to play with in the morning...who knew when the bag would arrive, well....another adventure! I look through things, find 2 toys (on sale, of course) get in line, 3rd in line, only to be stopped by a woman who felt the toy store was cheating her. Apparently the doll was ringing up at a price different from the shelf price...and she should know, she brought the shelf tag up with her. Okay...who does this? I surely don't bring the shelf tag with me of every item I buy up to the register. She was looking for a battle and didn't care that there were now 10 people behind her being held up for a few dollars. She kept looking back at us all like we were going to support her...no dear, we were about to launch an attack.
Whew! Finally done and off to get dinner. It was a little after 8:30pm and we were hitting the rice bowl place that Dave loved. Guess what closed at 8:30? AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
Worst day of traveling....ever.....