Can't stop thinking about it...

Thursday and Friday of this week I went and visited Val and took some dinner to her and her family. I met Matthew for the first time Thursday night and I did exactly what I hoped I wasn't going to do...I cried. Now me, I cry, when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, tired, I tear up. But not everyone knows that. The reason I cried on Thursday wasn't because I was shocked by the medical equipment, it was because Matthew looked so perfect. I have been in enough hospitals and around enough injuries that I tend to not see things like ventilators and IV's as "abnormal" or scary. I see the person.
12 weeks old is still a small baby. He looked like he was sleeping...almost. My heart was just breaking. Why? Why this little boy? Why this young mom? I didn't stay too long, it was just too hard for me and the last thing needed there was for Val to feel uncomfortable. The next day I decided to try my hand at making Manicotti. I must say I did a pretty darn good job! I took some over to Val and her family again. I know how much I hated eating out when we were in Canada the last time, I can't imagine living off of hospital food for nearly a month. I can't do much, but I can offer what I have to give, prayer and dinner.
There were a few other ladies there this time and the atmosphere was more relaxed. There was laughter, story telling and the entire time one woman was stroking Matthews head and another his foot. Can he hear us? I don't know. Can he feel the love and prayers? I don't know. I was glad to be there, to show this time that his condition didn't scare me, that I was more comfortable. I said a little prayer and touched his head before I left. Today they were making some decisions, Matthew may or may not stay at the hospital, he may or may not stay here with us on Earth. It was a family day for them today. I kept my distance, but they are weighing heavily on my heart and mind. Are they okay? What a silly question; how can you be okay in a situation like this?
To make things even more difficult, Val has almost nowhere to turn. The media has gotten hold of the case and are hounding the hospital. She can no longer go online, everything she says can, and most likely will, be used against her. While I was there I noticed she had pictures of her husband still up. She spoke of him as well. How does one wrap your mind around the fact that your baby most likely will not live and it is because of the hands of your husband? A news station printed the police report of him confessing what he did. Why did I read it? I can't give a good answer, but I am sorry I did. The things he did to that baby were horrible. How can you disregard such a tiny, precious life?

I hate that we met under these circumstances, but after so much prayer, I feel that I am being called to support her. Why me? Why not me? Things are going to get more difficult before they get better and I can only do what I know how...continue to pray for guidance and trust in the Lord.