Is this really my life?

I have been in a reflective mood lately. I think with all the hustle and bustle we've had over the past few months I haven't really had time to stop and breathe. Well, I've had that time now. I live in a comfortable house, with plenty of room for my family, we have plenty to eat every day, we don't have to question where our next paycheck is coming from, I have an awesome dog and a loving bird, I have a wonderful husband, a loving extended family who is willing to help me at a moments notice, and I have the most beautiful daughter. I am blessed to be able to stay home with her, my husband provides so well for our family.
Is this really my life? Some days I feel as if I am going to wake up and realize that it's actually just a day off from work and all this was a dream. I feel this way mainly when Delanah has gone to bed for the night or now, when she is napping. How did I get to be this lucky? There are so many people out there that would love to be in my shoes. I feel guilty when I feel down about my days, my life. I am so incredibly blessed.
This morning I took Delanah and Bailey for a nice, long walk. We came back and played, had a little snack and then a nap (I tried, but alas, was too late and started nodding off as she was waking up). I took Delanah swimming today in a very busy and loud indoor pool. I wasn't sure how she was going to react to it, but she loved it! She was a tad unsure of her new float toy and the splashing initially, but warmed to both and we had an awesome time! I love that I get to be the one to see her reaction to the water, the tentative splashes, the smiles, the look of wonder on her face as she was watching the other kids. I just can't imagine someone else sharing these moments with her. I am so, so, so, so glad that I get to be the one to do it!
In this new, reflective mood, I think I am beginning to understand why we have disagreements on the weekend. Dave likes to help out when he's home, and I really do appreciate it, but this is my job. During the week, this is my office, this is what I do. I just feel bad, like I'm not pulling my weight when he comes home on the weekend, or even at night, and starts doing things that I think fall into my job category. He works hard all week and brings home the money that provides us with everything we need, I am to take care of the domestic duties. Okay, I am still working on getting everything done during the day that I think needs to be done, but man does it make me feel guilty when he starts doing some of the things. I think we need to sit and talk about it...I'm sure we can work something out.

Tired...again?

How is it that I am almost more tired at the end of the weekend than I am at the beginning? Is it wrong that I am looking forward to the start of the week? What can I say, I like my routine!
We did have a good weekend. Saturday we all slept in, I am just now, after nearly 7 years of marriage, beginning to understand how Dave claims to catch up on missed sleep during the week by sleeping more on the weekend. We played a little, took Bay to the dog park, where I got a unique and brutal burn, sweet pea went down for a nap and Dave helped direct me put more pink in my hair :) Ahhh...the things you do to bond :) We decided to go to Saturday evening service, as Delanah was going to be awake and perky, and had a good service. We like Saturday service, really good message, not as packed and we didn't have to rush around to get there on time :)
For some reason last night I voiced the thought that a glass of wine sounded good that night. Since when do I drink wine? Yeah, got home and water sounded so much better! Ahh well :)
Today we had a picnic with some other moms with babies the same age. SO amazing how different they all are! Will is about 3 weeks younger and Kolin 1 week younger. Will is crawling, Kolin likes to "walk" while holding on to his moms hands and Delanah was content to just sit there and watch it all unfold. But when it came to eating our girl was a star! Will won't take any food that has something other than a smooth texture, Kolin will experiment with a few foods, but still won't nap without a bottle, and there was our girl, munching away on her lunch of carrots and hummus, turkey burger, sausage, cantaloupe, blueberries and raspberries! I helped with the blueberries and raspberries only because I didn't want the berry mess! We got several comments that they were jealous of her eating...I love Baby Led Weaning!!!

Okay, so this weekend wasn't all rosy. Dave and I got into a bit of a tizzy on Saturday before the dog park, and I have really got to start watching myself. He's beginning to get the impression that I like being in complete control of things and that I think that only I can take care of Delanah. I don't think that at all! I think that during the week I am so used to making all of the decisions that it is really hard to let that go on weekends. Yes, I like being in control of things, I know which ways work best with Delanah, but how is he supposed to know unless I let him try things? It is SO hard to step back when I think I could do it better! Of course I feel my way is best, if I didn't, why would I do it that way? I know my daughter well, but I don't need to keep reminding him of that fact. I need to let him get to know her and in order do that I am going to have to step back and that is going to be SO difficult for me!

Goodbye gummy grin

So Saturday I discovered something new when I was perusing her gums...something sharp! Sunday morning her Father's Day surprise was a second tooth having broken through! Woo hoo! Today she was much better in terms of fussiness and tonight we didn't need any Tylenol. The little toot won't let me get any pictures though! Tomorrow we are visiting G-ma and G-pa, so maybe we can distract her enough to get the new teeth recorded on film. Good thing is, no biting yet! Woo-hoo!!!!
So Delanah and I are on our own for the next few days. Dave is one the east coast so we are amusing ourselves. Today was quite nice. We slept in later than planned then took Bay on a walk. This promises to be a hot week, and I was hoping to have gotten the walk in earlier, but alas, sleep sounded like so much more fun! I best get myself to bed right now as I have big plans for the morning! I need to retouch my pink highlights and tonight I just wasn't in the mood to do it so I need to get it done before Delanah is up for the day tomorrow. Who knows how long it's going to take! Hmmm...maybe I'll do it tomorrow night...who knows!
So my gummy grin girl is growing up...I don't know if I'm ready for this!

I lost it

My temper, that is. Yesterday was a beautiful day and a wonderful evening. Delanah, Bailey and I were sitting out front on a blanket on the grass when Dave got home. There we were, sitting as a family, chatting away, but always watchful on Bailey, she's a good dog, but can bolt, thus the leash. Anyhoos, I heard our neighbors door open and out come trotting the little menace, I mean dog, Wendall. This dog is unleashed about 95% of the time, almost gets hit by cars weekly, has never done anything but growl and bark at me when I am getting out of my car, walking to the mailbox, and one day as I was trying to leave my house! The brat was on my porch, no owner in sight. Now I love dogs, trained dogs, not spoiled, allowed to do whatever they want, out of control dogs. Back to last night...I was already standing so I walk over to their walkway where Sue has her back to the dog and tell her she might want to get her dog. Bay had already bolted over to investigate (the dogs had never met before) and as she was wearing a new leash Dave got some wicked rope burns on his hand.
Sue comes over, I had retreated back to our side and starts going off about Bay being a vicious dog. Okay, I have worked very hard to keep my 65# mutt under control, but dogs are dogs and if hers is not under control, it can set off Bay. Well, I lost it. This dog has been around for a year and has caused nothing but problems with all the neighbors since. I informed her (not very politely) that there are leash laws and she was violating them, she disagreed and said she could walk him unleashed to her car. I think not! This I had looked up several weeks ago (good to stay informed on your cities pet laws) and I let her know this. Then she unleashes on how I have always been rude to her dog (and here I didn't think it was possible to be rude to an animal) and I was rude to her. We exchanged a few more heated words, yes I am ashamed of my behavior, and she placed her dog on her lap and sped off....this act is against the law as well, but I thought best not to chase her down and tell her :)
I went over and spoke to her husband about it. I have nothing wrong with him, he keeps the dog on a leash, now, and I said that I hoped we could stay civil, but I was done having rude comments made to me by his wife. He said he hoped we could work things out at a later date and to please keep an open mind. Now mind you, this woman has referred to me as a "screech" when I have greeted them, commented on my size when I was pregnant (beyond rude if you ask me) and has made me stop doing what I was doing as I will not put my child at risk because she cannot control her dog.
Yes, at the time I felt I was in the right. Okay, okay, after some reflection I realize that I was not really acting very Christian like. Would I assume I was Christian if I had witnessed the exchange? Ummm, no. I will go over in a few days, when I am sure I can keep myself under control, and apologize for my behavior and hopefully be able to get my concerns about their dog across in a civilized manner. We'll talk about their cats at a later date :)

Sleeplessness

So here we go again, only 2:10am right now...last "night" it was 4:30am before I got to sleep...good thing Delanah is still quite tired and let mommy get some sleep this morning! This is really starting to get annoying. This morning I was so bone tired that I really didn't think I was going to make it through the day, but as my wise mom said I would, I found the energy from somewhere and Delanah and I had quite a lovely day :) We even got a crib nap in...yay!!!! She was just so happy and giggly and wanted to play today. She is doing so well playing by herself! I was able to not only make a sandwich, but eat it too! In one go! That is so unusual...funny things happen when mommy realizes her baby has been playing her :) We even made it to Target today to get some things and had a lot of fun dancing in the aisles. She was in her Ergo (one of the best inventions of all time) and just loved looking around and interacting with me. I was even able to get dinner started and as we ate on time, we took a family walk! So why is my mind racing keeping me awake and why do I feel like I am falling so far behind?
Because when I wake up in the mornings, as I go through my day and before I fall asleep at night (when I was actually sleeping that is), I see everything that still is left undone. The master bathroom (seriously, over 2 years! This has got to be a joke), the guest bathrooms, the laundry area, the back "yard", the front entry, the pictures that aren't hung, the floorboards still just placed on the wall. Am I blessed, more than I can say. So why do these things bother me so much? I think it's a pride thing. When we were in Australia, I walked through neighborhoods that weren't rich, didn't have huge houses, but were so neat and tidy and simply lovely to look at. The owners had pride in their homes. Where is our pride? Why do things get left on the front porch until I get fed up and remove them? Why do we still have tools that haven't been used since Delanah was born cluttering our back porch? Why do I feel like I am a tape stuck on repeat when I ask when a promised project is truly going to be done? I am no saint, I am just as guilty in falling behind on things. It just gets overwhelming at times. I just give up to be honest. Why worry if the master bathroom vanity is clear if the bathroom cannot be used? Why try to keep the kitchen clean if the bar area is just going to continue to be cluttered with unfiled papers?
It seems I am doing a tit for tat game here. The floorboards are still not finished, so why should I have the living room clean when you get home. The counter is still cluttered, so why should I have to have dinner ready. The "scary corner" is impassable, so why should I have to vacuum over there for you? Admitting to myself what I have been doing is the first step...now I need to get over it and move on. I hate to say it, but the past dictates the future and I really don't think these promised projects are going to get finished. I need to figure out how we can budget it and get a handyman in here. I think we could have everything done in about 2 days, I just can't do it myself. I need to ask my neighbor who she has used and go from there. I want pride in my house! I don't want guests to see the bare patches on the walls. I don't want them asking to see the bathroom that I am beginning to think will never be done. I, myself, don't want to look around and see all the flaws. I just want the projects finished!
Since we came home everything is just hitting me. As I try to fall asleep my mind races with everything that needs to be done the next day, and then I realize that I won't be able to get everything done and the anxiety rises and next thing you know, I am pouring everything out onto the computer. Oh vicious cycle!

Jet lag

Jet lag is horrible on its own, but when dealing with your own and a baby with jet lag, it's just brutal. Her schedule is so off and she doesn't understand why mommy and daddy aren't in the mood to play at 1am...she sure is! Sunday night was the worst. I didn't sleep the entire night and managed to watch the world around me brighten up with the sun. I think I eventually passed out from exhaustion, and the exertion of crying, about 5:30am. Dave left at 7am and I headed upstairs. My mom, bless her heart, called that morning to see how we were doing and Dave filled her in. When I woke at 10am my mom was just coming in the house. She took very good care of us :) I got to get some things done, she helped unpack and kept Delanah occupied. I just didn't have the energy to deal with getting a house back in order plus a baby who was very clingy. Last night I went out and got some sleepy-time tea (yummy!) and make a cup and whether it was the tea, exhaustion or a combination of both, I was out by 9:30. Okay, so I was up again at 10:30 for a feed and didn't get back to sleep until 2:30, but it was something!
Today was a little better with the nap schedule. I must say, there is almost nothing more sad than a baby with bags under their eyes! After nap #2 today the bags were gone...yay! Today Delanah was more like herself as well, less clingy, better at keeping herself occupied and so incredibly happy. We went to the breastfeeding group today and I think the baby closest in age to her was 12 weeks old! By big girl is now 16lb 4oz....I think she may weigh a bit more than that though as her legs weren't on the scale when she was weighed...she now has to sit to get weighed!
I made dinner tonight for the first time in a long time. Dave grilled the chicken, but I managed to get a salad, steam broccoli and carrots, boil corn and keep Delanah amused. I even cleaned up the kitchen afterwards! It's exhausting!!!! I will get the hang of it eventually, but I am on board with this whole domestic thing at the moment. I am slacking in the organizing and cleaning department, but I am blaming that on jet lag for the time being. I wonder how long I can use that as an excuse.....

Sneaky little thing!

So I have been worried for quite some time about the fact that Delanah isn't rolling like other babies her age. I mean I hear stories from other moms about how their little ones are rolling all over the place and Delanah is content to roll to her side to get a toy, but that's about it...or so I thought.
Last night, during our 11pm wake-up call, Delanah was throwing a royal tantrum (this girl is good) and we kept having to go in there to flip her onto her back after she got stuck on her stomach. Around 1am Dave was sitting in the nursery with her, she was happy in her crib with her Panda toy, and he said she was a rolling machine...back to front, front to back and was scooting all around her crib on her stomach chasing her panda. What a toot!!!! So I have been played, BIG time! Who knows how long she has had these skills, but I'm on to her now. She even fell asleep, and slept the entire night, on her stomach! And here she had us well trained to go in there and flip her to her back from her stomach, thinking she was uncomfortable and/or afraid on her stomach. Seriously, we have been outsmarted by a seven month old.

Home again, home again

jiggity jig...is that how it goes? Well, in any event, we are home again! Hmmm...how do I summarize what our past three weeks have been like? Oooh, I know...lists!
Things I have learned: I can travel 12-14 hours on a plane with a baby and survive with some sanity intact!!!; a cranky mommy and a cranky baby makes a stressed out daddy; an unsettled baby will become constipated and take frustration out on mommy's boobs (ouch!); traveling someplace daily will make a baby scream at the sight of her car seat; space heaters are awesome!; a cold baby is a non-sleeping baby; our dog really isn't that spoiled; winter in Australia is at times warmer than late spring in Denver; Delanah likes to eat sand; teenagers love my pink hair, older generations just stare; things really aren't that expensive over here; I love my glider!!!!; I love my Boppy!!!!!; I love my Ergo carrier!!!; Australian humour rocks; jet lag sucks; recovering from an overseas trip with a baby is not looking fun; my MIL and I now get along quite well; I am not as tense as a mom and I am much happier that way; not all advice is criticism in disguise; I can visit Australia and not buy things for me; I cannot visit Australia and not buy things for Delanah; a vacation as a mom is not the same as a vacation before kids!; I understand my husbands childhood better; I understand my MIL better, Delanah is well loved by her Grandma and Granddad; Delanah will be greatly missed by the Oz grandparents and I wish they were closer; we are going to be traveling to Oz with more frequency now; I don't get small town politics; I did not see any scary spiders!!!; I missed my bird and my dog; Australia loves moms and babies, there were mother's rooms everywhere (really nice ones) and no one looked twice when I was breastfeeding (okay, there were those construction workers that pounded on the restaurant window and gestured at me in Newcastle, but as Maria said, they were just perverts and were upset I was covered up!); I can drive on the left side just fine and round abouts aren't as scary as I thought...still a little scary, but not as scary; I had a great time.

I think that just about summed everything up! Last night/this morning I was replaying the last 3 weeks in my head, trying to remember everything. I hate losing memories! We took a lot of pictures and I can't wait to get them in a scrapbook for Delanah. She won't remember meeting her Oz grandparents for the first time, but Dave and I will make sure to tell her lots of stories about this trip. Not many people get to leave the country in their entire lifetime, let alone before they were 1! She now has 7 flights under her belt and a seasoned traveler...now if we could just explain jet lag to her and get her to sleep tonight! 1am and no end in sight!

My back...

...is done with this vacation! Between the hotel beds and the old spring bed (that has seen much better days), my back and neck have called it quits. I now have nerve pain down my right arm, again, my neck muscles are so pissed that I get a cervicogenic headache daily, I feel the constant need to "pop" my upper back, and to top things off, although it has been feeling better lately, this morning I went to scoot back on the previously mentioned saggy bed and crapped my wrist out again. I am done!!!!
The guys switched beds for me tonight and I have a much firmer bed (which I was informed that my husband was created on...ew, ew, ew) and I am going to block all icky thoughts from my head and hopefully sleep well tonight. I put Delanah down an hour earlier than usual tonight as she was tired as well, and I am giving an obligatory hour of uninterrupted sleep before I crawl into bed as well.
I will miss everyone here, and I have been enjoying my time completely, but I am so ready for home!!! I miss my bed, my kitchen, my couch, my bathroom, the nursery, the glider, my dog and bird.....I miss it all! Most of all, I miss the silence. The quiet when Delanah is napping and I have the house to myself. At night when everyone is asleep...during the day when there aren't people coming from far and wide trying to touch my child! Why the face people, why the face?! Delanah is getting tired of it as well and was pulling away from people...good girl!!!!! Tomorrow we are off to Brisbane. I know this is mainly for me...I hope I am awake and pain free enough to enjoy it!

Is it really winter?

So we are in day 3 of winter here...and man was it hot! This morning I took Delanah on a walk to a local shop and she fell asleep...so I walked a bit further to get some exercise in for me (which is much needed in areas other than the jaw) and a longer nap for her. Man was it hot! I ended up stripping off my hoodie and walked in my workout pants and tank. So there I was, matching from head to ankle (my shoes and socks didn't match) in hot pink and black :) I did get quite a few looks from the moms as I was passing the elementary school :)
It was almost too hot for jeans this afternoon! Man, I love this winter! I was sweating up a storm and Ros was grabbing her coat....I do think we are acclimatized to different weather, eh?
I got to drive us to Toowoomba and back today! I was a bit nervous as this is the longest distance I have driven without Dave in the car. I must admit I was glad to do the driving...in the short drive to get the hair done the other morning I was a bit frightened at the speed that we were traveling at...I much prefer to be in control of that when Delanah is in the car. I must say, I think I did a pretty good job! The hardest part was parking in the garage (Australian parking spaces are so tightly packed!), but we lucked out when Ros spotted a stroller parking space. Yes people, they make extra wide parking spaces for people with prams!!!! What a great idea! There were some closer to the doors than handicapped spaces! There was plenty of room to get in and out and if we had needed to get the car seat out there would have been plenty of room for that as well. Awesome!
They really do cater to moms and babies here. I have yet been someplace that didn't have a mother's room. In the US, it's a novelty to go to BRU and use their mother's room, here, it's standard to have a men's room, ladies loo and mother's room! This one had papers to put down on the changing stations, seats, a microwave for heating bottles and a closed off toilet so mum's and dad's could take their little ones to the bathroom. It can get so awkward when dad or mom is with a young child of the opposite sex and the kid needs to use the loo....which one to go to? The mystery cleared up here....go to the mother's room/family room! There was a bulletin board up that had no less than 3 papers on breastfeeding support.....why is the US so far behind?! Imagine how many more babies would get breastfed if there were private rooms in malls in which to do it in...that also had information on groups if that was needed as well? You know, for a country so far ahead in so many things, we sure are behind in this area.

So quickly...

My goodness this trip is passing by so quickly! We have a week and a half left...that's it! Today was a whirlwind and I really hope that means Delanah sleeps tonight! Last night, oye, where do I even start?! Dave and I went to bed around 10:30pm, first mistake (we were both tired but got sucked in to CSI), as we were trying to be quiet, Delanah woke up. Ever notice that when you're trying to be quiet you make the most noise? Hmmmm...why is that? Maybe tonight I'll go in there trying to make as much noise as possible and maybe that will make things very quiet....ummm...I don't think I'm game to try it!
Anyhoos, once she was awake I fed her, she fell asleep, Dave tried to put her in the crib, all heck broke loose. I was just exhausted (the only one in the house who didn't get a nap in the day before) and was trying to get some zzz's in; no go. When Dave started getting frustrated with Delanah I knew it was time for us to leave. So a little after 1am there Dave and I are, sitting in the living room, cold as can be, trying to ignore the possessed child in the other room. I went into Brendan's room to escape the screaming for a bit. After a few minutes the crying got worse, I went into the lounge, Dave was gone. Okay, another confession, I was irritated that Dave chose to ignore what I said about leaving her and go in there. You see, he likes to hold her in a position that initially makes more crying, not less, and I didn't think that was a good idea. You see, apparently as her mom I know best and no one can do anything as good as me....hmmm..think maybe I need a reality check at times?
There Dave is, cradling a screaming Delanah when he told me that he went in to check on her and found her on her stomach with her arm twisted and caught in the metal slats of the crib! I took her and nursed her and we decided that as uncomfortable as it was for us, we weren't going to be putting her back in the crib again. The metal scared me to begin with, and this was enough of a nudge to decide against using the crib again. I think I got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Soft bed, soft pillow, crying baby...perfect recipe for no sleep for me! This afternoon we put a board under the mattress on my side, put a towel roll in the bottom of my pillow case (good neck support for those who don't want to buy the cervical support pillow) and we now have a pack and play that Delanah is sleeping in. Yay!
Today was quite busy as well, hopefully leading to an exhausted Delanah. We drove around town looking at all of Dave's old haunts, went into town to show off Delanah to Ros' coworkers, let Dave find something he wanted in the toy store, home again and then off for another drive to check out some more places further out of town and a chance to let me practice driving again. Oh it's just beautiful here! I took some great pics of Gallahs in the yard, saw some wild kangaroos on our drive, saw flocks of Cockatoos and heaps of other colorful parrots flying around. National Geographic right outside the door! Tonight was a lovely dinner and Delanah had so much fun with pear, chicken, broccoli, green beans and beef :)
We were cuddling with Delanah on the bed tonight and before we all knew it (herself included I think), she had rolled over and was practicing scooting along! Tomorrow morning I am heading into town to get my hair done (yay!) and Dave and Grandad are going to stay with Delanah. I requested some floor time as she has been getting so many cuddles lately that she's had no time to just play on the floor. I think we're approaching the start of crawling!!!