I think I started out as a helicopter parent, I'm pretty sure my parents would agree :) I hovered over DG, boiled her pacifiers pretty much every time air hit them, drove myself nutty deep cleaning her toys (all the time), was over cautious about what foods she ate, where she played, etc. Then we started traveling. Yeah, that changed a lot of things. Hard to be really, really choosy when you have only airport restaurants to choose from to feed your child, or room service, or one horse towns...not many options there. It was painful at first, but I started letting go of some control.
Another thing that helped? My play group. What a wonderful group of women. Most of us were first time moms, muddling through everything, but open enough with each other to share our mistakes. One mom was on boy #3, and was she the most calm, relaxed mom I had met! We had many deep talks and those really helped me to see that raising a child should be fun, not all work. Kids are great little people and it's not about restricting their lives, but gently guiding them and in many cases, letting them discover things on their own. She introduced me to the book "Einstein Never Used Flashcards"...what a great book! Finally, there was my evidence (in the form of studies) that all of these flashy, gimmicky, expensive "learning tools" weren't a make or break when it came to my child's intelligence/development. Mommy guilt lifted!
Just yesterday there was an article on how harmful TV is to toddlers. Well, sure, if that's all they do. Do I feel that letting DG watch Dora is harming her? Heck no! Just this morning she got to watch Dora, and then we read books, discovered many fun new things in the grocery store, made cupcakes/a mess, vacuumed the mess, made lunch and went down for a nap. No flashcards, no drilling, and yet I think my daughter absorbed a lot this morning. Reviewed colors, talked about food, cooking, we counted, worked on fine motor movement, etc. I guess I can get technical too, make the fun we had this morning sound regimented, drilled, you know, all the stuff one "should" be doing to make sure their child gets ahead.
I hesitate to use this word, but I really do hate the program "your baby can read". Talk about a lot of fast talking, guilt inducing gibberish. What is the point of making parents feel that their not doing enough for their child if they aren't shoving flashcards in their face? Really? A 2 y.o. can read? Um, no. They have sight recognition, memorization, not reading. These are the kids that are going to burn out on books my 5th grade, so what happens to them when they are no longer reading? Great that they were "reading" at 2, but at 15? Hmmm...no thanks. I hate to see so many moms guilt induced, feeling like they aren't doing enough for their child if they haven't bought (bought in to) expensive programs. What happened to letting a child learn through play?
So back to my free-range parenting. I don't think I am so extreme that I fit into this category, but I definitely lean more towards this than a helicopter parent. We don't block off rooms to DG. She's allowed to get into cupboards in the kitchen, she knows which ones. She "helps" me cook and bake, a lot. Makes a lot of messes, but she's learning how to clean up too! I don't think it's necessary to watch her on closed-circuit television when she starts preschool. I let her play in dirt, play in snow, go sledding all by herself (on her insistence), and I let her pick out her own snacks once in awhile. I can understand where helicopter parenting comes from, I was once heading down that path myself, but at some point, kids need to start discovering things on their own. I must be doing something right. My child has an awesome vocabulary (uses it all. the. time.), great manners, is inquisitive, loves books and just today was showing off her prayer skills. I am trying not to jump on the mom-petition train, where I think my way is the best way, but I sit here today scratching my head over the helicopter parenting style.
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