A blast from the past....

Tonight a friend from high school posted a group pic from my senior Winter Formal. There I was, in the same dress as a friend (oops!) with my high school boyfriend. This is the same person who just got engaged. It was a strange moment, looking at this picture, trying to remember who I was at 17, thinking I was "in love", that my whole world was going to revolve around many of those people in the picture..... I think I am "friends" with only 2 people in the picture, there were about 20 of us in the picture. Oh how times change.

Hearing that your "first love" is engaged is enough to take you back a bit, but getting that news as you are looking at a high school pic is another sort of trippy. To add another fun element, I was cuddling next to my adorable, loving hubby while I was viewing all this. My husband, whom I love, who has just spent the past 4 days exhausting himself taking care of his sick wife and daughter. What a strange moment! I had to stop and think, could I really see myself with my high school boyfriend as an adult? Hmmm....as much as I try, nope, not at all. I can't imagine myself with anyone other than my hubby; isn't that how it's supposed to be?

I love getting the chance to walk down memory lane with these photos, but it's also really interesting to me to see how other people can see the same picture. As I am reading the comments underneath people are talking about what a great night it was, what great people, how people helped form them into who they are and all I can think is....what the heck did I miss in high school?! Yeah, high school helped developed who I was, but I remember very few details about that dance, I don't recall most of the people in the picture, and I sure as heck don't think it was a pivotal moment in my life. All this from one picture.....or maybe my cold meds are stronger than I think......

Gone?

Oh, today started out so well! DG and I had cuddles in bed, read stories, talked, what a great way to start the morning. Then off we went to meet some friends to play. The place was crowded, but still a fun time. Had a great lunch and DG put herself down for a nap! I had a rest, we had a relaxing after nap time, loaded up into the car again and headed off to get her new play area for the yard! We met a friend there and got down to trying to load this beast into 2 cars. Before the first piece was even in we had an incident...DG fell and we were worried about her hand. SO many tears, my poor baby. She's a trooper though and I think she liked laughing at us trying to fit everything in :)

We ended up having to put 2 pieces on top of my car and I was so worried about our gusty winds and the long drive home that I took off my wedding band and engagement ring and put them in the front pocket of my jeans so I could pull that rope just a little tighter. Finally loaded up we headed for home. No problems getting home, we had those suckers tied down tight! Went out for a lovely dinner, came home with an overtired/overstimmed little girl. Had a nice chat with Dave, read some stories and thought I would throw one more load in the wash before bed. Checked my back pockets, pulled out some papers, in everything went. About 10 min in, as I was battling my aforementioned overtired little one, I realized that I had left my rings in my front pocket...Oh no! Stopped the washer, reached in and pulled out my wedding band, phew, reached in again....nothing.....

Wait, what? How could there be nothing in there? I spun the water out of the washer, pulled every item out and checked every nook and cranny. No engagement ring. Panic starting to set in. Let's look again. Maybe it fell out in the closet. The clothes basket? The hallway....... Nothing. Nada. Zip. The tears start coming. Is it really gone? How? I mean really, how?! How did the wedding band stay in my pocket and my precious engagement ring did not? Sobbing. How will Dave take this? This was the ring he picked out for me, held in his pocket while the nerves jumbled through him before he asked me to marry him. This was the ring I would stare at (bathroom light still the best!). This is the ring I couldn't wear during my pregnancy and for 2 years afterwards. I just had it re-sized. I was wearing it daily again. And now. Gone? Really? Forever? I hope not.

I am numb. I am tired. Crying that hard can really take it out of you. Crying too hard to call Dave tonight. Tomorrow I will start the phone calls. Did it fall out before we were done tying the pieces on? Is it still there? What about at the restaurant tonight? Sigh.....it was such a good day. No accidents, DG and I had so much fun together. And then this. I will not let this mar my memories of today. But it still just sucks.

You're kidding, right?

Ah, never a dull moment in this household. Monday was trial day at day care. I cried, no one else did. I'm beginning to think DG didn't even notice I was gone, or if she did, it didn't bother her! I had to ask for a hug when I picked her up, and she was in no rush to leave. Today was the same thing, but worse. I was actually told to "wait minute. Nah playing game" Really? Sigh.... I should be ecstatic, she's adjusted way better, and faster, than I ever imagined. She did cry today...when I told her that we had to go home...after 15 min of trying to convince her of it...awesome. Seriously, it's gone heaps better than I could have dreamed and I am glad we found a good place for her.

Monday I was getting lots of texts from Dave, trying to keep my spirits up, and mid morning it was "95% certain" that we were moving to Australia. By dinner it was up to 98%. Still waiting on that phone call from HR. Still, without that last 2% I can't tell my local friends (who know nothing about this blog). I must say, I am impressed with my ability to keep my mouth shut! The phone call should be coming in a few days, I'm looking forward to seeing what it includes.

Monday I also got an email attachment from another pet relocation organization. This was 8 pages of instructions for getting Bay into Oz, and oh my! As I was reading the steps and timeline to Dave I think he finally got it. I wasn't just freaking out for no reason, there is a lot to do to get her over there. Miss a step, do one out of order, and it means either a longer quarantine or denied entry! Today was a call to the vet to make sure that Bay was caught up on her vaccinations; there was one particular one that didn't ring a bell and had to be done no less than 6 months prior to entry into Australia. Guess which one she doesn't have? Oh, and guess which one is a 2 part vaccination, 30 days apart? Yeah.......... Looks like we won't be able to get her over there before mid-October! So much for leaving in August! Make me kind of want to wait until after DG's birthday to go over there though, so she can celebrate it here with her friends. Shoot, I could do this all day until I make it so that we're not moving over there for another year!

And so it begins. I am mostly done with the roller coaster of emotions that have come with this transfer. Hmmmm, on second thought, I think I have perfected pushing them down and ignoring them. I haven't told my friends, haven't cried with them, so it's not really happening, right? I have been grateful for day care this week, it would have been a lot harder to get all the phone calls and errands done with DG in tow.

Trippy. This week has been very trippy.

I hate daylight savings....

Really, I do. It doesn't help that I was up until 2am (or was it 3am? Stupid time change) finishing up a book. Thanks for that mom....yeah, I'd like to blame everyone for my excessive tiredness except me. Is that wrong?

Up and at 'em we were this morning, bright and a little too early, to head into church. Today was Dave's first day teaching Sunday school with me! No coffee for either one of us, it could have been really good (other people forgetting about the time change and not coming on time) or bad....no coffee, lots of kids...eeek! Thankfully his first day was a good one. Not a lot of kids, they listened well, we even got the art project done! He'll be coming back! On the way out we spoke to another teacher who is going to use Dave's presence to get her husband to come in and help out as well...recruiting the dad's one by one!

Got home and I was sent in for a nap first, then Delanah and Dave got to escape to a golf lesson. Now it's dinner time, I am ready for bed and it's still bright out. I hate daylight savings time.

As I expend all this energy on hating the time change, at least my mind isn't wandering to tomorrow as much as it could. Tomorrow is DG's trial day at daycare. My baby girl is going to spend the day away from me...sniff, sniff. I have 3 weeks until I start working, and I'd like to get her used to going to daycare the 2 days a week before I actually start working, but this is going to suck. If she does well tomorrow then we are enrolling her, starting her 2 days a week this week. As we were walking home from the park this afternoon it hit me that if we do daycare 2 days this week, and with her spending the weekend with my parents, I am going to go from seeing her 7 days/week to seeing her only 2 1/2 days this week! Eeeeeeeeek! Tomorrow I am going to scrub my house to death, focus on my chores and aching muscles rather than the fact that she won't be here, and if she is gone Wed I am cleaning out my basement. All things that need to be done, but I am doing this week to keep my mind off of the fact that she won't be here. Man I'm gonna miss my little girl.

Ouch...

I think I am too old to work! Oye. This morning was my first day covering a whole day at work, starting at 7 am. Really? I used to do this before? I could be awake and ready to treat someone by 7 in the morning? Seriously? Huh.....

I had so much fun today. I was PT Moni, people listened to what I had to say, I got the answers for them from somewhere, I was able to help people feel a little better and I had so many adult conversations! It was wonderful! Did I miss Delanah? Of course. I'm used to spending all day with her. But I would by lying if I didn't say how good it felt to step back into my working shoes. It did take some time for us all to step back into our roles once I got home though. I think we're all used to me being home; DG and Dave had a harder time with my role as a working mom.

So, the ouch is on two levels. 1 - my right SIJ is trashed. It's been bothering me for some time, but standing all day today, yeah, not the best thing ever. I was in a whole heap of pain tonight; felt so old! 2 - I love working, but I hate coming home to have Dave tell me how wonderful everything was. How there were no issues, attitudes were great, etc. Makes me feel like I can't get anything done when I am home normally. Now, to be honest, nothing that I usually get done was done. DG was in day care, no vacuuming, no play dates, no errands, no cleaning, no laundry. But still, it would be nice to hear a "we missed you" and "thank you for all you do when you're home"....my issues, my issues.

While I was still working I was offered a few more days at the end of the month, and I might take them. I need to look into day care options and whether or not Meemaw can watch DG for me those days. It's just nice to have that option right now. It's nice getting paid, yes, but I love what it does for my frame of mind...I love feeling like I have something to contribute. I think I am rambling again. I am so darn tired! I don't remember work making me this tired before.

Hard phone call

Tonight the wee one and I called Meemaw and Papa as a treat at the end of our day. DG was SO excited to share her thoughts with them. She pulled out her toys and imagination and let me have a chance to chat with mom and dad for awhile. We talked about Nana....her health seems to be going downhill and apparently she's starting to acknowledge that she's getting old. 85...wow....in my head she always seems 60 or 70. Mom and dad asked me to call her more frequently, or, you know, just call her. Guilt. There she is again. Guilt. Why don't I call? Write that letter I'm always meaning to write? Why is the internet more important? Why are the dishes more important? Guilt is mean and just sucks.

We spoke about mom's surgery this summer, her recovery timeline. So many things going on this summer. Earlier tonight Dave and I spoke about another conversation he had with the CEO. Dave is top on his list still, but it must go through all the right steps before it's officially offered. Dave had lunch with his mentor, even though this position doesn't really exist yet, his mentor mentioned to Dave that something like that would be great for him. All roads seem to be leading us here. I feel at peace with the decision. I seem to be finding great paths for the animals, groups for me to explore in Melbourne that will bring friends in a new place; so many more details to cover, but things still lead to us moving.

I hate not telling mom and dad. We're going to tell them this weekend. I expect a lot of tears, mine, moms, dad? Tonight I shared with kiddo that Meemaw and Papa were going to go sledding with us this weekend. She was so excited. She loves them so much, and the thought of separating them was like an arrow to my heart. It's just a few years, but I talk to my mom almost daily, my dad called this morning, just to say hi. Will I lose that? Will we write letters, send emails? Sigh.....those unknowns and fears are returning. Time to pray again. This is hard, this sucks, can we fast forward a little bit? Rewind a week or two?

Need to occupy my mind

So, here's the deal.....the position for Dave doesn't exactly exist yet. A new team is being built and suggestions for how it's going to be structured are being presented. Once that gets the okay, names are put forward and offers are made. This could take weeks! Oye!!!!

I had a mini breakdown last night about the whole situation. It's scary not knowing what's going on. Are we moving? Are we not? I still can't talk to most people as I am friends with wives of Dave's coworkers and it can't get back to the office. Sigh....this is a huge test! On a positive note, Dave and I had a really good talk about it last night and we were able to talk through several different scenarios and I am feeling much more secure in things. Now to keep myself busy......

Yesterday the kiddo and I met with our play group at Pump it Up, an indoor bouncy house play area. Yeah, big workout and my knees are hurting today! Heck, they hurt yesterday! I'm getting old....had lots of fun though and it was nice to have all the kiddos together again. They had a great time. I knew I needed to keep myself busy today so I planned on a nice, long walk for us all. Thought about backing out, using my knees as an excuse, but come on, I can't pull the wool over my own eyes! It was a lovely walk, a beautiful day and I am so glad we went. Popped in my ear buds and away we went with beautiful scenery and some wonderful, uplifting music in my ears. Always a good morning when I am getting exercise, enjoying time with my favorite munchkin and having some worship time. We all came home refreshed, in good spirits and quite happy. I am jealous as the kiddo and the dog are passed out and I get to mop the floor...

So, to occupy my mind, what to do, what to do. I have been reading a book about organizing your home to make more time for things you like to do. Lots of good ideas in there, getting me in the mood to purge things! I think that's a good start to getting my mind on something else. Now if I could only find the time. I figure I am going to continue on with life as if we were going to stay here, finish up projects, organizing, decorating, etc, and if we go, I'll take most things with us to set up house there. Heck, it's heaps cheaper to buy things here, might as well take advantage of it!

So for now I need to figure out how to make mopping a mind occupying activity. Over thinking gets me in to too much trouble.

I hate waiting!

Patience is a virtue...one that I was not born with apparently. No, that's not true. I have heaps of patience when it comes to baking, teaching Delanah to learn to climb, completing a cross stitch project, trimming off my split ends....but I have none, zip, nada when it comes to other things.

Background...last Thursday, in the hour that we had together after work and before his small group, Dave drops a small bomb on me. Right before he left the office the CEO came in to talk. The CEO is heading back to Australia to head up another division in the company. After some fishing, he unofficially offered Dave the position as head of Safety and Sustainability for this division....in Melbourne, Australia, beginning in about 6 months. WHAT?! My first reaction? Crying, fear, paralyzing fear. I'm not ready! What about my friends? My house? Our pets? My parents? My career? Overload!

We had a sitter for Friday night and were able to talk things out. In the 24 hours from bomb to date I was able to process things a bit more, and look at it from many different angles. This weekend we decided to move forward with the possibility of moving. He let the CEO know that he was interested in the position and now we are waiting for the formal offer....and waiting, and waiting..... Until we get the offer, and can see if this is something that is going to work for our family, I can't talk to anyone about it, can't tell my friends, can't move forward on many of the million things that will need to be done to make an international move happen.

Update: Just got a text from the hubby. Apparently things are...."complicated"... The new structure needs to get approved by the big CEO and then the names for the positions can be put forward and then an offer with salary, relocation, etc. Sigh....a test of patience is what this is.....