Resolutions...

Ahhh...it's that time of year again. Time for resolutions. What should I resolve to do in 2010? The same old same old? Lose weight, get in shape, dress better, etc, etc. Yes, I still want all of those things to occur, but really, I want to work on me in a different way. This year I want, first and foremost, to become a better Christian. I want to trust more, pray more, love more. In truth, I crave it, but never know how to start. Where do you begin? It has helped me a lot to be in MOPS this year. I am still reserved in the meetings, and sometimes need to bargain with myself to go, but I pushed myself into going to our tables Christmas get together this year and I am so glad I did. The women are wonderful and it was nice to get the chance to get to know them better. They can help me grow, they are there to support me; what a wonderful feeling.
I also want to become more comfortable in my own skin. No, I don't mean more dieting and exercise, though that will be a part of it, I want to be okay with who I am, what my role is. I am always striving to be something/someone I think people expect me to be. I want to be the one with the perfect, nice neat and clean house, always ready for drop-ins and I hate it that I'm not. I want to be the one who makes the wonderful meals, and I hate it when I fall short. I want to be the one who can bake anything and have it come out wonderfully, but I'm not. I want to say that I am a stay at home mom with confidence. Why do I feel the need to drop in my doctorate when no one really asks? I am doing the most important job right now, raising my daughter. No one can take my place in her day, so why do I feel it's not enough?
I also want to work on my memory this year. I seriously think I can start feeling my brain turn to mush. As much as I've tried to convince myself otherwise, reading aol.com does not count as stimulating my brain! I admit it, I miss work. I miss being the one with the answers, interacting with patients all day, helping people get better. I've spoken about this to Dave and over the next week or so we are going to pull out some of my PT books from storage and I am going to jump start that part of my brain. I am also going to start talking to companies about working again. I refuse to put Delanah in daycare during the week. I still feel like it's more important for me to be home with her during the week than it is for me to work. No, I'm going to look into working a few hours on Saturday mornings. Dave loves his time alone with Delanah and I know I need to step back and give that to them. Win-win for all! I get to use my brain and earn a few $ and they get their time together.
All this is going to take organization. I tend to "over list" myself. Too many lists, too many items on lists, the pressure, the pressure! I need to be organized with my time. There are enough hours in the day, it's just how I use them. First thing, go to bed on time! It's amazing how much you can get done when you're rested! Second thing, I need to prioritize my time. Spending time with Delanah when she's awake should be #1, she's not going to be this age forever. Good-bye computer time, hello more meaningful afternoons.

Okay, enough resolutions for now. Don't want to "over list" again!